We know Michelle Wie will miss the cut at Omega Masters, we just don't know how...

So what did you do while Michelle Wie was out of the news?

It seemed like an eternity, didn’t it? (I was getting sick of writing about success stories the whole time) But in the interim I was able to read Wikipedia.org from A-Z, find six stray puppies a new home, and personally convinced Bill Ford its time to step down as CEO at Ford Motor Co.

What a waste of time that was. Now we can all become obsessed with the inevitable Wie trainwreck at the European Masters this week - and we call the Maury Povich Show a freak show. Tracking Wie in men’s events isn’t much better. Both are publicity stunts disguised as a some noble quest that results in little more than a circus of a rabid audience (you know the paternity test results will make the pregnant mother hysterical, but will the father be the midget neighbor or albino milk man? On the other hand, we know Wie will miss the cut, but will it be in an embarrassing fashion or simply an inadequate score?)

Even if she does make the cut this week, it won’t impress too many, because most American golf fans view the European Tour as little more than a minor league system anyways. Let’s just hope she doesn’t get DQ’d, go to the hospital or let daddy’s “people” ax her caddie. So long as she’s making the front page of the golf world while Tiger takes the week off, it’s a win-win for Wie and Nike.

Predictions? ESPN.com will have a Wie Watch on the front page the next two days, no one will even know who the leader is the whole tournament, she won’t make the cut, and it will be the milk man, it always is…