Learning "roundabouts", loving Turnberry and a shot at the Ailsa course record

Before my trip to Scotland, I spent a lot of time sorting through glossy Scotland tourism mags and scanning websites of St. Andrews, Turnberry, Prestwick and other famous gems.

Nowhere was I warned about the country’s dirty little secret: The Roundabout.

Instead of traffic lights, where motorists patiently and humanely wait for their turn to pass through an intersection, Scotland employs roundabouts, which has the same logic as say the ball machine in a batting cage. Cars are inserted into the roundabout, thrown around a circle for an undetermined amount of time, and then BANG! catapulted out into space in the direction of the machine’s choosing.

I’m told it takes 48 hours to get used to driving in Scotland. These golf tours don’t sound like a bad idea now…

Once I finally made my way down to Turnberry, things became better real quick. This place has that “aura” you hear about, which can only be gained in a century of golf and a hotel that’s housed all the legends. I’ll have plenty more to say in a full review coming soon. It’s also the host of the 2009 British Open, and it’s already buzzing.

I’m playing the Ailsa in the morning, built in 1902, which is undergoing some changes to make it more difficult than the last time it hosted The Open in ‘94. But this evening I warmed up on the little pitch ‘n putt course across the street from the Big Daddy. I’m prepared and rearing to go, especially after learning I have a shot at the course record, a modest 113*.

*The score of 113 was calculated by tallying the actual record 63 x 1.8, which is the rough value of the UK pound versus the weaker dollar. Trust me, once you’ve been in the UK long enough, you look for any possible favorable conversion. Weaker US $$$ = Weaker US golfer. It’s only fair.

Daily snippet from the Metro (or: the greatest newspaper I’ve ever read, even better than the IU Daily Student when my byline was in it): Dr. Oliver Curry of London has offered his theory on what humans will look like in the future. Apparently we are to peak as a race in about 1000 years.

It goes on in detail to predict men will be seven feet tall, exhibit symmetrical facial features, appear athletic, have squarer jaws and of course, have bigger penises ("1000 years too late,” mutters Margie as she looks out the window and sees her husband struggling to start the lawnmower in the yard.)

Women on the other hand will develop large, clear eyes, “pert” breasts, glossy hair and smooth, lighter, hairless skin ("1000 years too late,” mutters Joe as he notices his wife hasn’t been using the Bic as much as she used to when they first wed).

However after 10,000 years, human’s reliance on technology will turn humans from sexy and symmetrical to virtual Gollums.

Remember that next time you’re spending 10 hours straight on YouTube.