The Cheap Bastard is timeless and ageless, which is great news for him. But the fact that you, my devoted reader, are aging rapidly is not such bad news, either.

You see, over the weekend I was down in Orlando watching The Villages Retirement Home set the new world record for the largest golf-cart parade. They managed to get more than 3,000 or those buggers zipping down the road at about .02 MPH. Witnesses say that the left-hand turn signal was flashing in 2,978 of those carts, but that can’t be confirmed.

“We’re geezers,” Mike Wilmot, one of the cart drivers said. “We’ve got nothing better to do.”

Except golf, that is. You see, people, as you age, the world in general does all it can to get you on a golf course. Perhaps they do it as a way to keep better track of the elderly, but I can’t verify that. All I know is that, if you are 50 or older, make sure to check out if a course has a senior discount, because if you don’t check, you’re losing money.

A random call to a random golf course – in this case, San Diego’s DoubleTree Carmel Highland Resort – finds a discount for golfers aged 60 and up. While the normal rate for a weekday is $32, the 60-plus golfer gets on for $25.

Senior discounts will vary at courses for age and the amount, but most courses offer seniors something. So seniors, hit the links. Because if you don’t, you’ll find yourself in a huge parade of golf carts, wondering how the hell you ended up there.

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