Need a fast Valentine's Day gift? Get your mind off golf and buy her flowers

The Cheap Bastard is a romantic at heart. A big, fat blubbery romantic that only wants to share love and express himself in poetry and crap.

Here at TravelGolf.com, it’s one big lovefest, 24-7. You have Jennifer Mario showing pictures of her kids (then always asking coyly “Now, do I look like someone with 13 children?"), Heather McMichael endlessly trying to bake us cookies, Wolfrum parading around here like he’s authoring Beckett: The Golf Blog, David Meyers still crying about the Seahawks being robbed, Ron Mon writing a blog every time he even thinks about golf and Bangkok Al – well, not sure what the deal is there.

It’s like heaven here. A really sucky heaven. And speaking of paradise, they say marriage is heaven, but with Valentine’s Day approaching, that can all change in a heartbeat.

You see, Valentine’s Day is an incredibly important day when a man is supposed to show his love to his woman via material goods. Women all know this, men seem to understand but flub it up constantly.

So, with V-Day coming up tomorrow, let’s talk about what you need to do if you haven’t gotten your significant other something yet. In fact, I’ll do it in list form to make it easier for the man who tends to forget vitally important holidays:

How to have a loving Valentine’s Day

1. Buy the woman in your life flowers.

There, that should cover it. Trust the Bastard on this one. Clothes or lingerie may not fit, causing you grief beyond your wildest dreams. Buying chocolate? This will again likely bring up weight issues. Perfume? Expensive, plus a woman could decide on the spur of the moment that she hates her current perfume. Women do that.

Flowers never fail. Try FTD, they usually have deals and can make these things happen fast. Plus they have decades of dealing with desperate, clueless men trying to get through Feb. 14 alive.

So men, take it from someone like the Cheap Bastard, who’s had multiple ex-girlfriends chase him with rifles – Valentine’s Day may seem silly to you, but it’s not to them. Get some flowers.