The Cheap Bastard had thoughts about offering everyone a $100 gasoline rebate, but decided against it because it looked like such an obvious Election Day suck up. Plus my gas station credit card limit is only $300. With gas prices hitting the $4-a-gal… more »

The Cheap Bastard sobbed like a child watching David Duval struggle through such a tough time at the Masters, then play so brilliantly the final 12 holes. Of course, the Bastard was hammered out of his mind, and following that called a few ex-girlfri… more »

The Cheap Bastard has long admired young journalists. They tend to be just so embarrassingly earnest and driven. And, often they tend to be hot, like Forbes' Sophia Banay, a true American idol. Sophia Banay The adorable Ms. Banay has a story at F… more »

The Cheap Bastard has a thing for chicks with Stockholm Syndrome. Since things with Patty Hearst ended badly so long ago, I'm ready to give Jill Carroll a ring. The Cheap Bastard is like Clark Gable compared to Islamic extremist terrorists. Speaki… more »