Jill Carroll's freedom means but one thing: A Las Vegas golf trip, baby!

The Cheap Bastard has a thing for chicks with Stockholm Syndrome. Since things with Patty Hearst ended badly so long ago, I’m ready to give Jill Carroll a ring.

The Cheap Bastard is like Clark Gable compared to Islamic extremist terrorists.

Speaking of sinful ideas, the Cheapster hasn’t been to Las Vegas in a while and has been itching to dip his foot into a Jacuzzi filled to the brim with showgirls. There will be golf, of course, but for some, a trip to Las Vegas is ALL about the golf, which to a pagan like myself, seems nuts.

It is true, however, and for those golf-aholics, there is still some time to cash in on the Las Vegas Vacation Gold Package from Travel Golf Vegas.

This is really the supreme package for a group golfing expedition. For less than $2,000, you get full accommodations, plus you get to play SEVEN golf courses including the Revere at Anthem, Reflection Bay and Bear’s Best.

So, if you like your golf like Cheap Bastard likes his women – plentiful – then this is a deal you can’t miss. Call (800) 470-4622 for more info.

As for yours truly, I’m off to give the enticing Ms. Carroll a call. If she can find kidnappers sympathetic, then she’ll really dig El Cheapo.