The Cheap Bastard despises the Da Vinci Code and all it stands for. Writing about religion? What does Dan Brown know anyway? What a maroon. What a tra-la-la-boom de aye. It's getting to the point that I may be forced to read the book or see the movie. Th… more »

If there's one thing the Cheap Bastard likes, it's the idea of having American Idol Katharine McPhee feed him donuts while singing "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor.If there's two things the Cheap Bastard likes, it's the above, plus free stuff. While ge… more »

So Britney Spears goes on the David Letterman show last night and tells him she's pregnant again? Well, that's not the whole story. Let me tell you, that kid is a Bastard. But just as you can't think of the foxy Mrs. Federline as having talent or clas… more »

The Cheap Bastard is unlike many Americans in that he knows his geography. That's because as a little Bastard, he paid attention in school. That's why I know the exact location of Barbados. It's in the West Indies, between Costa Rica and Aruba, and ri… more »