The Cheap Bastard was amazed at a recent news story he saw, which showed that in 2005, nearly 40 percent of all children were born out of wedlock. That’s right, we are becoming a nation full of bastards. The United States is also a nation of people who don’t have passports. Do you know that less than 740 people in the U.S. have a passport? And no, I can’t back that up, you’ll just have to take my word. What matters is that you need a passport, and you need one now. Because starting January 2007, everyone, including U.S. citizens, who are ... full post »

The Cheap Bastard believes in truth, discounts and the American way. And chocolate chip cookies made with double butter. And not in that order. But being the day America goes to vote, this Cheap Bastard is doing his part. That’s why I’ll be heading right out to vote this morning in Arizona. And then Florida. And then Texas. And in several other states near you. I do this because I see less than half of Americans eligible to vote will vote in these elections, so I just want to pick up the slack and make sure good ol’ conservative values are ... full post »

I may be the cheapest of the Bastards, but that doesn’t mean I skimp on the good things in life. I want the best, and I want it for less. I’m a paradox that way. In fact, you could call me a seriously confused Bastard. But sometimes getting the best doesn’t require you to spend the most. Take my upcoming trip to Florida, for example. I’m heading to Miami for a brisk weekend of playing golf, and throwing rocks at boatloads of Cubans (gotta do my part to keep those sanctions enforced). And while Miami is home to the best of ... full post »