The Cheap Bastard’s got balls. Nasty, dirty, dirty balls. They’re out in the trunk of my Vega. I keep them there so they won’t infect anyone else’s. Yes, your pal Cheap just can’t pass up picking up a golf ball and sticking it in his bag no matter how old, decrepit and cut up it is. As an aside, I feel the exact same way when it comes to prostitutes. Just a little fun fact. But the truth is, it’s time for a change for El Cheapo. This year, I’ll be stocking up on fresh golf balls. I’m willing to replace ... full post »

The Cheap Bastard has been depressed lately, ever since getting turned down for the leading role in the film version of “The Rawhide Kid.” I figured with my red hair, ability to handle a gun, and slightly effeminate walk, I’d be a shoe in. I was born for that role. But, alas, it wasn’t to be. That’s why I’m boycotting Western towns like Denver in 2007. Those snowstorm and blizzard-having cities can kiss my freckled butt goodbye, as El Cheapo focuses on the East Coast in 2007, which is the Chinese Year of the Tickle-Fighting Cheerleader, in case you were wondering. So ... full post »

Golf, like many of the Cheap Bastard’s favorite solo activities, requires a good grip. Let’s talk about one of your buddy Cheap’s other favorite solo activities for a while … (Editors Note: Deleted. Sorry, Percy, even we have limits). … after that, the Cheap Bastard likes to wash up, eat a bunch of Oreos and maybe catch a quick nap. But there’s another grip that’s important when it comes to golf, and that’s Golf Research in Play, or G.R.I.P. As Christmas comes closer, take a look at some G.R.I.P. clubs for the golfer in your family. Right now, they have great deals ... full post »

The Cheap Bastard has prayed more than once at the alter of the porcelain god. That’s because your pal El Cheapo can party with the best of them. Of course, there are some that can party hardier than even yours truly. Take golfer Andrew Pointon, who currently sits in the No. 2 spot on the Bad Jocks Official Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) Rankings after blowing a remarkable 0.36 when arrested for drunk driving in the UK. To put that into perspective - Pointon could have been Danny DeVito’s stand in on The View. But while partying will be on the minds of ... full post »