The Cheap Bastard is a lot like Kobe Bryant. Ok, maybe I'm not tall, and a dominant basketball force in the NBA, but there's nothing I like to do more than make a huge mess of a situation, and then get the hell out of town. Like Kobe's trying to do to th… more »

Hey folks, the Cheap Bastard with a quick note to the blokes and blokettes on the other side of the pond. Say you live in England and you're a little tired of the government taking your picture and tracking your every move - you know, to protect your fre… more »

The Cheap Bastard is a lot like accused drug-guzzling cyclist Floyd Landis. No, your Cheapness doesn't ride a bike (and trust me, ladies, my performance is enhanced already). However, yours truly is quick to pin blame on everyone else when he gets into t… more »

The Cheap Bastard loves a good auction. It's how I got this gig in the first place, actually.Right now, however, there's an even bigger auction going on that has the top resorts in Arizona looking for guests. The Arizona Hotel and Lodging Association… more »

In 2004, Congress passed legislation demanding that yours truly, Cheap Bastard, never have children. Tacked on to that, of course, was a $42 billion grant to help displaced donut makers. Nonetheless, I can't have children, because it'd be a federal cr… more »

Many people wonder what life is like for the Cheap Bastard. Well, yours truly lives a life that's a lot like "Miami Vice." Lots of high-speed car chases, gunfights and taking down the bad guys. Ok, maybe my life is nothing like that. But I do agree that… more »