The Cheap Bastard is a carbon-based life form. But a highly flammable one. You see, where most people get pigment, yours truly got a mixture of rocket fuel and propane. Now, surprisingly, this makes my skin incredibly soft and supple. But sadly, my body… more »

The Cheap Bastard has nerves of steel. Well, maybe not. More like the kind of steel they used in the Twin Towers. You know, the kind of steel that melts(??!!??!!?). Oh, let this Bastard tell you something, this whole 9/11 thing is one huge conspiracy. El… more »

The Cheap Bastard was rocked to the core when he found out that plans to have a "Bastard Family" Reality show were shelved. We were certain this would be the next great reality show hit, as the cameras would follow yours truly and his family through our… more »