Folks, your pal the Cheap Bastard has come up with a fool-proof plan on how to get you playing golf at some of the world’s most beautiful golf courses for less, and save the country from the scourge of illegal immigration, as well.

Here’s what you do, set yourself up with a great golf travel trip to Mexico, and when you’re on the way down, grab an illegal alien and then toss them out when you get to the other side. If it turns out they aren’t illegal or aren’t from Mexico, so what. Let them sort it out, says El Bastardo. The U.S. has had to spend YOUR tax dollars sorting them out for years now. Let them throw some pesos at the problem.

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Looking for a deal to Mexico? Right now, I see that Apple Vacations is having a Super Spring Sale to Las Cabos. Click here to find more about that deal to play such great Cabo golf courses like Cabo Real or Cabo del Sol’s Ocean Course, or call (800) 747-7695.

The great thing about Mexico is this. No matter how low the dollar gets, the Peso will always be way lower, so your dollar will go farther in Mexico. In fact, you can actually just pick up a rock and carve a number into it and they’ll accept it as currency in Mexico. That’s how weak their economy is.

Because, you know, the Cheap Bastard is surrounded here by weak-kneed surrenderist liberals. You’ve got Tim McDonald, whining about how everyone is treating John Daly. Poor John, he drank and smoked his way out of his ability, but it’s the press’s fault he sucks now.

You’ve got Chris Baldwin, who’s as big a conservative poser that walks the planet, crying about Ernie Els’ kid. You’ve got Wolfrum, whose every last post is just copy and pasted from the Communist Manifesto. And you’ve got Ron Mon who, well, even the Cheap Bastard has no clue as to what he goes on about.

So, basically, your pal, his Royal Cheapness has had it to here with all this mealy-mouthed garbage. It’s time we golfers start doing something about illegal immigration instead of ignoring the problem or just handing them driver’s licenses as they enter!

Personally, I blame Lorena Ochoa for a big part of the illegal immigration problem. I have secret reports saying that every time she wins a golf tournament, 40,000 young Mexican golfers sneak across the border. I’m pretty sure this is true. So ladies of the LPGA, start beating Ochoa for God’s sake. Because if you don’t I think we need to send Lorena straight to Gitmo. Sure, she’s a doll and a great golfer, but times like this demand radical actions.

So head down to Mexico and don’t forget your golf clubs. And don’t forget to rassle up an illegal to bring down there with you. Take two if you can fit them in your luggage. Together, you can all help me, the Cheap Bastard, save this beautiful land of ours.

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