Cheap Bastard advice: 1. Buy Bob Hope golf stuff at auction, 2, Use that stuff to pummel Wolfrum

The Cheap Bastard despises William K. Wolfrum with the intensity of a thousand flame-broiled cheeseburgers. Wolfrum – a whiney, Marxist/Communist/Socialist/Terrorist/Stupidist that doesn’t even have the courage to live in the United States – recently crossed the line forever with your pal El Cheapo when he dedicated a moronic blog post (like all of his efforts) to rambling about Dot Wong and how she should retire from golf blogging. This is liberal fascism/Nazism at its best – you have a problem with competition, you try to eliminate them.

And let me tell you, no one is going to talk bad about Dot Wong. Not on my watch. Dot is all beauty, grace and smiles, and she’s one of the few female golfers on the staff here that hasn’t humiliated herself by writing a fawning book about Michelle Wie.

Simply put, Wolfrum’s a scumbag that should waterboarded until his eyes pop out. And if I ever see him (strangely, we’ve never been in the same room together), I will pummel him with my never-used one-iron until he looks like Tim McDonald.

But while Wolfrum is as Anti-American as a human can be, Your pal Cheap here wanted to point out a chance to own some golf memorabilia from one of the greatest Americans ever – Bob Hope.

Yes, according to the Associated Press, the family of Hope will offer up nearly 1,000 pieces of Hope memorabilia in October. From the story:

Nearly 800 items of Hope history, from foolishness to fine art, will be sold to fans and dealers alike at a mid-October charity auction in Los Angeles commissioned by the family of the famed comedian, who died in 2003 at age 100. The auction will be televised live and online by the Auction Network, allowing viewers worldwide to participate in real time.

“Dad was a pack rat,” daughter Linda Hope told The Associated Press. “He loved to collect things. Even when he wasn’t conscious of collecting, people would give him things. They would be brought home, listed, photographed and placed in storage. There are 11,000 items in his memorabilia collection.”

Now keeper of the family flame, Linda Hope, 68, made the first public announcement of the Bob Hope Estate Auction on a recent sunny morning at the comedian’s longtime compound in North Hollywood — 7 acres of mansion, office building, swimming pool, greenery and short-hole golf course. A selection of the items to be auctioned were spread atop two large tables.

“A lot of the things will go to the Library of Congress,” Linda explained in a lounge where her father gave many an interview over lunch, including to this reporter. “Most of the paper goods will be going there, scripts and photographs and other things that Dad donated before he died. The Library isn’t interested in three-dimensional items.”

“We decided that after giving important gifts to museums, there was still a lot of wonderful stuff that people could enjoy,” Linda Hope said.

Hope, who was actually born in England – like great Americans George Washington and Thomas Jefferson – has plenty of golf stuff that collectors should be excited about, including:

- A pair of red-and-white golf shoes marked “Made for Bob Hope.”
- A golf bag jammed with clubs given to Hope by various pros.
- A huge golf cap the size of a large pizza.
- A cap signed by President Ford and some golf pros.

To find out more about the auction, click here.

So be prepared, golf collectors, this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to own Bob Hope golf stuff. I’m thinking of bidding on the golf shoes so that I can use them to kick Wolfrum’s butt. Should he ever have the guts to come back to the U.S.