My Role In Reversing The Curse

As Manny Ramirez sprinted in to join the pile of Red Sox stomping on the curse, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of playoff share The Idiots were going to vote me. A fourth? An eighth? Surely, I derserve at least an eighth of a share.
Sure, I didn’t hit any dramatic home runs ala David Ortiz or throw any pitches on a bloody ankle ala Curt Schilling or even attend a single game for that matter. Details, details…Eighty six years of inexplicable misery have been erased! This is no time for logic. So back to my share…
In this very space, with the Yankees on their way to a 3-0 lead, I boldly declared that the unlike Phil Mickelson, the Red Sox were forever doomed to lose the big one. A little background is needed to fully explain the karmic boost this proclamation gave the Red Sox. If I predict you’re going to lose, you’re going to win. And vice versa. End of story. Even the Bambino is powerless against the Baldwin reverse karma. It might as well have been the Curse of Tony Clark for all the power it held once I typed the Sox’s demise on my keyboard.
Ah, you scoff. Just another golf writer with delusions of grandeur (my swing is Vijah Singhish!)…Consider this mostly true story: I went to Vegas with a buddy a few years ago. We bet every sporting event that took place in 48-hour span (including a Frog Jumping competition, I believe.) Anyway, my buddy’s strategy quickly became to bet the opposite of whatever side I laid my money down on. He went undefeated for the weekend. Tweleve for tweleve. He won money beting the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Who wins on the Devil Rays? Well, anyone who bets them when I’m beting against them.
Consider my case made. So how much is it going to be Millar? Don’t be stingy Pedro. Like the equipment manager really needs that half share. I surely did more than Nomar The Grouch. Hey, someone let even Jimmy Fallon, that unfunny Saturday Night Live anchor turned unfunny movie star, onto the field for the celebratory mosh pit. This is really the least you can do.
A 16th? You’re kidding, right. That’s it. I’m calling Steinbrenner. I can just as easily predict a Red Sox repeat in 2005.