The most hilarious of all the sidesplitting Mike Krzyzewski as the Blessed Virgin Mary arguments advanced by these rabid supposedly high brow Dukies is this one: Coach K “gave up” $40 million of LA Lakers money because he’s committed to education and higher athletic ideals.

Please. Even the shameless marketers pushing Michelle Wie would be embarrassed to try and create an illusion that transparently ridiculous.

Krzyzewski isn’t coaching in the NBA for one reason and one reason only. He knows there is no way the pros would take his Hand of God bullying. When Krzyzewski resorted to screaming flying spittle, his best coaching technique, Lamar Odom would be laughing in his face. And rightly so.

They’re grown men in the NBA. You have to treat them like grown men. Which is something Coach K has some trouble with. Hence, his making reporters sit in a room and talk to him on the phone when they’re in the same building. That gentlemen and Dukies is a man with serious control freak issues.

And by the way, this is something Krzyzewski could never get away with in the NBA. David Stern has media access rules out in the real world where college coaches do not get to sit back and lord over universities they treat as their personal kingdoms.

Coach K in the NBA? There is nothing more amusing. The Whiner Within would have been exposed and his legacy stained. He will make more money in the long run at Duke - national credit card commercials extolling his “teaching” included - than he ever would have in an NBA flameout.

Think I’m wrong? Elton Brand, Dukie legend, said he told Krzyzewski he didn’t think he could deal with coaching NBA guys in a recent interview on Jim Rome’s national radio show. Brand almost laughed at the idea of Coach K changing his swearing redfaced at you style.

Is it just coincidence that the best Duke NBA players are the ones who got out of Durham before the lovely, caring Coach K could beat them down completely? See Corey Maggette and Brand. Amazing how Maggette defied Coach K by leaving after one year and averaged over 20 points a game in the best league in the world last season.

Krzyzewski is more of a bully than Vijay Singh is towards caddies.

He has made my heart grow fond this eve however. Who knew that Duke’s fraud could bring the lovely Jennifer Mario back into my life. I may have never received that postcard from Hawaii (surely lost in the mail), but this blog of love is almost better.

I forgot that the most charming Michelle Wie apologist ever is a Dukie graduate. What a shocker, huh? Wie and Duke, there’s something beyond perfect in that. You’ll never get me to argue that our Super Mario isn’t infinitly more charming than yours truly. I’d rather have her as a dinner guest than myself as well.

To answer Jennifer’s question, you could follow right behind me in one of my many rounds of horror, watch me top every shot and not hear a single non-Disney Channel allowed word. Not while I’m working. If it’s round in which I’m reviewing a course for TravelGolf.com, it’s clean. Numerous head pros have commented on the amazing contrast between the utter putrid state of my game and the outward calmness of my being (to use Coach K terms).

It’s called being a professional at work. Something Krzyzewski, who swears far more than even your average coach and gets away with it far longer with the refs, does not apparently believe in.

For surely, the story of Coach K hurling expletives at reporters for Duke’s student newspaper in front of his team when those student journalists dared to give a few of his players Bs in a newspaper article performance report card - Bs - made your dinner conversation?

You can always relive that night around the Krzyzewski china by reading about it in his ESPN SportsCentury bio. Those ESPN guys are surely out to get the innocently wonderful Krzyzewski too.