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Jim Nantz's Hootie pandering hurts Masters, makes him golf's worst announcer

Tuesday April 11, 2006 | 22:58:52 509 words, 1975 views
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If O.J. Simpson wore a green jacket and held a place in Hootie Johnson’s oh-so-tender heart, Jim Nantz would compliment him on the brilliant white Bronco “getaway.”

If Michael Jackson wielded influence in Butler Cabin, Nantz would find time to praise his home amusement park.

Is there anything worse than listening to CBS’ worshipping head spray bouquets machine gun style around Augusta National?

Well, how about Nantz doing it while Johnson and the rest of those hip Augusta gentlemen systematically went about draining the drama out of what long stood as golf’s most exciting tournament?

The debate over the lengthening and pine tree rearranging makeover of Augusta National doesn’t need to be so raging and often silly. It’s simple really. Do the changes make for a better Masters?

The answer after watching
Phil Mickelson’s
mind-numbing closing run has to be a resounding no. All Johnson’s tinkering over the years - where’s Martha Burk to distract him when you really need it - is essentially turning the Masters into a junior level U.S. Open. Protect the sanctity of the championship? Please. How about protecting us from drooling on our couches as we struggle to snap out of snooze attacks.

As Mickelson headed toward the finish, the only suspense centered on how long he would hug his kids on camera (the over/under in Las Vegas stood at five minutes). And whether Nantz or Phil’s wife Amy would get more visibly choked up (Nantz in a landslide).

And he strolls down the stretch! Wait, is that … yes, it is … I believe Phil Mickelson is fighting off a yawn. This could be his toughest test yet.

Of course, you would not hear any of this from Nantz or any of CBS’ other Masters’ puckered lips. Instead, Nantz chose to wag a press campaign on behalf of Hootie’s Bobby Jones butchery, going from talk show to talk show with the fervor of a reality TV contestant. The best had to be when he told Sports Illustrated that the Masters was so determined to have dramatic shots that Augusta’s 16th green funneled balls toward the hole.

Nantz made it sound like Hootie rigged it with everything but the clown’s mouth. He even denigrated
Tiger Woods’
chip for the ages (and Nike executives’ swoosh closeup orgasmic fits) by saying in reality that 2005 jolt was about a 1 in 20 shot.

Anything’s fair game in order to make Hootie look good.

The funny thing is Nantz’s own tirelessly promoted 1986 Masters special provided all the evidence to the contrary anyone needed. There was Jack Nicklaus firing darts, able to go for pins at age 46. There was Greg Norman ripping off a birdie run of his own (and just 20 years ago that meant more than two in a row).

Anyone who followed that up with the live coverage could tell the difference. Golf has had its drama drained.

Yet, what does Nantz do? He defends the Masters overlords like he always defends them. Talk about your bogeys.

Comments:

Comment from: pete [Visitor]
The worst is when they get up to butler cabin and hootie says the same thing..e v e r y single year...pathetic.
Permalink 2006-04-12 @ 05:10
Comment from: Alex [Visitor] · http://Alex
Many, is not most, major championships are played and won in that same manner, with a leader playing cautiously and attempting to hold his pursuers safe. Tiger has won most of his majors in exactly that manner. On rare occasions, like Arnie's come-from-behind victory at Cherry Hill or Johnny Miller's final round 63 at Oakmont, the spectators are treated to miraculous finishes, but those are exceptions to the rule.
Permalink 2006-04-12 @ 14:11
Comment from: Roger Deem [Visitor]
I agree with the authot about the damage done to The masters but I would not lay the all blame for the pious viewpoints telecast soley with Nantz. Ever since I can remember, the CBS team, especially Jim McKay in previous years, has kissed up to the blowhards at Augusta who are basking in the glow of a tradition built without their involvement. This tradition has been systematically badgered by Hottie and his fellow Blowfish. Calling Jack Nicklaus: save us from this marauding band of idiots.
Permalink 2006-04-12 @ 17:49
Comment from: Dave Marrandette [Visitor]
Let's face it Nantz wants to keep his job. But, you are right. We'll never again see a charge on Sunday PM to win the Masters. Their old slogan "The Masters doesn't begin until the back nine on Sunday" will have to be seriously revamped.
Permalink 2006-04-14 @ 09:07
Comment from: Simon [Visitor]
This years tournament was pretty slow but it really only needed a few more putts to drop and it could have been spectacular. Phil missed countless 10-15 footers over the day and Tiger had several very good chances coming down the stretch. If the putts did not drop it is more to do with luck than the course changes. Also the course was pretty long two years ago when Mickelson strung together a sensational run of birdies to finish off, people seem to have short memories!
Permalink 2006-04-14 @ 18:17

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