Happy Birthday Bill Clinton: Your day demands to be a national golf holiday
Bill Clinton turned 60 today - Saturday, August 19. In celebration, during my round of golf this afternoon, I took a minimum of three mulligans on every hole. But never more than 60 on any single hole. I also shaved a stroke here and two strokes there whenever possible. And at the end of the round, I lopped 10 more strokes off my score just for the Clintonian heck of it.
No comment on how I celebrated with a cigar afterwards.
Yes, I now hold the course record at Saranac Inn & Country Club.
All thanks to Bill.
Really, has there ever been a greater golfing president for the people than Clinton? He understand that every golf shot just needs a fifth chance. This is a golfer who always embraces the joy in this demented game. One who lives the celebrity golfer creed - never, never ever think of admitting you suck - to the zenith decree.
Clinton’s day deserves - no, demands - to be made a national golf holiday. Hackers at courses everywhere should be paying homage to the man who treats the rules of golf like most people regard no jay walking signs. How can you not love a president whose mere mention causes the strait-laced, blue-blazer wearing blue bloods at the USGA to break out in hives.
Clinton and I share a birthday month (mine came a few days before Clinton’s and you will not believe all the gifts pouring in to TravelGolf.com from the Wie Warriors), a hand, an IQ level and a love for certain comforts. Us left-handed, genius Leos need to stick together.
But this isn’t about that.
Clinton deserves his own grand golfing holiday. Just like George W. and his pops should get their own speed golfing hall of fame.
Clinton and W., two great golfing presidents back to back. And yes narrow-minded bloggers of this site, it is possible to appreciate both Clinton and W.
They’re near buds themselves - two guys who always understood how to have a good time. On the golf course too.
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History will judge W. (King George) to be the worst president in the history of the United States.
Republicans have always been communists and always will be communists. They've been hiding their program behind "capitalism" for over a century.
You see, emotion reigns supreme with liberals, and their feelings tell them: left-wing tyrant, good -- right-wing tyrant, bad. And that's that.
Could you imagine how apoplectic Timmie would be about the president if he were guilty of Clintonesque shenanigans?
I mean, look at Judge Smails. What further example do you need, in terms of loathing?
> It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then - just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - to relax, I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things started to sour at home.
One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of
life. She spent that night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius, and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you and it hurts
me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a
lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
confessed, "I've been thinking....."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But, Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to
deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I
stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn't open; the library was closed. To this day, I believe that a
higher power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling
glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye: FRIEND, IS
HEAVY THINKING RUINING YOUR LIFE?
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous poster. That is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seems.....well, easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think
the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step: I joined the Republican Party.
Yes, my hatred of Republicans is the result of profound thought, which led me to the inevitable conclusion that they're ruining the country, and trying to take the rest of the world down with them.
Those are just two reasons.
I don't know where the hell you're getting that 75 percent thing.
We need to get King George and his ilk out of there. The greatest military force ever assembled deserves better treatment and real leaders, not these pansies.
Does the Republican Party actually have to change its name to the People's Party Of America, Marxist-Leninist for you to GET IT, ALEX?!?!?
Lastly, it's funny, Timmie, that you asserted that your musings were the truth. Do you believe in absolute truth, Timmie? Or, were you just reacting emotionally, as liberals are wont to do, and labeling your assessment loosely?
Oh, one more thing. You've been characterizing the objects of your displeasure as wussies. Yet, I can tell just by looking at you that you're the biggest wuss in the world. It's obvious.
Explain something to me: how are Republicans transforming America into a Third World nation? Are you referring to immigration?
You said it, Alex. The Republicans have become the very best at propaganda and you, among legions of others, are perfect fodder for their deceptions.
Listen To Rush. I kicked his ass once.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the crowd that preaches tolerance and non-judgementalism? I mean, I thought that judging others and being intolerant of their beliefs and ways were the two new deadly sins.
Also, Alex, I must warn you of the mortal danger in which you're placing yourself. You're working Timmie up into a state of dithery anger, and, well, we know how he just oozes testosterone. The man has the exterior of a Sonny Liston and the soul of a Spartan warrior. Why, have you seen his picture? You wouldn't want this imposing man after you; you'd have to grow a pair of eyes on the back of your head.
Lastly, maybe these neo-communists are right about Limbaugh. He must be stupid if his spelling and grammar are that poor.
You're the only fudge-packer on these boards.
Tim and reason don't have the same address.
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