You can get better service in an Applebee’s in Myrtle Beach than at one of those charming corner cafes in Paris.

In fact, service throughout most of Europe is a largely forgotten, ignored or misinterpreted word.

I was reminded this when I read this week’s TravelGolf.com newsletter intro from BTuck. For those who need a refresher course, BTuck is the frat boy our Castle Baron Boss hired to crisscross Europe who spends his time crushing beercans on his forehead, chasing Polish beauties, bragging about his golf game and generally making the U.S. as many friends as Charles Barkley has in Angola basketball. Inbetween terrorizing golfers with his drunken videotaping ambushes of their worst shots, BTuck found the time to rip the Scots for failing to provide free water on their historic golf courses.

It was a prized rant for the prodigy - almost worthy of $7 glass of orange juice stuff.

But the truth is Europe’s golf courses are just following along with every other service industry on the continent. No ones likes to make fun of American golf course service faults more than myself, but Europe is in a whole another age. The Middle Ages.

The only place I ever found with decent service in Europe is Madrid. There a tailor offered to make me a suit by hand for about $80 U.S. and I once experienced a gourmet seven-course, five-star worthy meal that set our party of five back about $18 each. Or something ridiculous like that. Believe the good wine was $4.50 a bottle.

Everywhere else though and you might need your own firing squad to force a smile.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t experience Paris. Or the other countless wonders. It’s just you shouldn’t expect anything close to even tepid U.S. service levels.

It’s not all the grouchy waiters fault. If tradition in your country called for the local cheapskates to tip you a dime for two hours of service, you might get a little put out too.

Still, one point remains. For all the grief and jokes we take from the rest of the world about Ugly Americans, the truth is our country is far more service friendly than all the Old World holier than thous.

Now if you want real service with genuine smiles, go to Cabo, Mexico. But that’s another story.

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