USA Today golf blogger of bore Larry Olmsted should write about throwing his clubs into a lake

It always amuses when a golf writer who’s blog draws about as much traffic as a McDonald’s on the side of an Afghanistan mountain goes into a rant about TravelGolf.com, the internet golf giant, being too controversial. (This usually happens when said blogger’s editor is asking him why nobody reads him). You can double the delight when said attention-seeking blogger calls the Lodge at Torrey Pines the “best golf resort in the Palm Springs area.” (Lodge at Torrey Pines is actually in La Jolla in the San Diego area, a good two hour ride even by Porsche from anything Palm Springs).

Still, even with all that said, I like USA Today blogger Larry Olmsted, who recently decided to go off on me (his most interesting topic in a good month, maybe two). I respect the fact that Olmsted and our own Brandon Tucker - or the “young Tucker” as Olmsted seems to call him in every post - shared a moment under the European stars. We’ve been looking into getting the impressionable BTuck into a Big Brothers program and love the fact that Larry’s stepped up and filled that void. (Try to get him home by 10 p.m. next time, though, Larry).

I even agree with most of what USA Today’s golf brain says about Las Vegas golf courses in his September spotlight post (except for the part about September being the best time to play Vegas). I also have no problem with Olmsted disagreeing with my ranking of California’s top golf resorts. At least he’s finally given his readers something interesting to debate. Though Pete Dye’s Mountain Course at La Quinta is a little more than “good.”

No, my only gripe with Olmsted is that he’s a much more interesting guy than he lets us see in his blog (except the stuff about me).

I’ve actually been on a press trip with Olmsted (though we didn’t have a moment under the stars) and he tells fascinating stories at the dinner table. He’s a two-time Guinness Book of World Records holder, by God. Larry once played poker for 72 consecutive hours at Foxwoods in Connecticut and believe me, this story is gripping when told with the lights and visions he started seeing and the number of bathroom breaks he was limited to. But that’s not all. He also holds the mark for the distance traveled between rounds of golf in one day (yes, there’s a record for this).

Leisure Suit Larry flew from 7,496 miles from Sydney to Los Angeles and played some golf on both ends. This story really isn’t that much more interesting in person, but seriously, the poker one rocks (Olmsted felt like he was levitating over the poker table at one point if I remember correctly, but I can’t do it justice).

Which is the point. Tell your readers about the good stuff, Larry.

Here’s one I’d like to hear about: On that press trip to Mexico a few years ago, Olmsted sent one of his clubs flying into the water on a par 3 at P.B. Dye’s Playa Paraiso Golf Club. Now Larry swore up and down that this was an accident, that the club just slipped out of his hands. Then everyone in his playing group would wink behind his back.

Heck, I wish I had the guts to fling my clubs in the water. If I did, I’d damn sure write about it.

Which is the point. There’s a lot more there with Olmsted that he’s holding back. I’m the type of guy who’s only even moderately interesting in print, the guy you’d completely forget on a press trip, someone who doesn’t do stories at dinner. Olmsted’s the guy who’s the life of the party, but in print …

Come on. You have the stories in you, Leisure Suit Larry. Then you wouldn’t have to rely on TravelGolf.com giving you love.

By the way, you’re welcome.