Lake Las Vegas can be a great escape from the usual frenzied craziness of Sin City if you’re in the right mood. It’s even better for families with its ice skating rink and exotic kite shop (you read that right, exotic kites).

You just need to go in with a warning: Avoid Bistro Zinc, a hyped restaurant (for Lake Las Vegas) that’s simply bad. It’s not just vastly overrated for what it’s supposed to be like Caesars Palace’s Bradley Ogden. On my recent meal there, it was simply horrid - by any standard.

I don’t know what cat food tastes like, but I’m guessing it approximates the texture and general grossness of the “housemade” country pate I was served. The nearly $30 salmon was more edible - and that’s the best thing that can be said about it. I spent years blowing paychecks in New York’s finest restaurants. I’m all for small portions. The American obsession with hulking hunks of beef and fish isn’t ideal for anyone.

Yet, with that said, Bistro Zinc’s salmon portion was ridiculously small. A little flavor would have helped too.

To add to the “enjoyment” on the Saturday night of this meal, there was a guy on some kind of folksong-worthy electronic guitar fiddle that practically rattled the outside tables with the force of the melodies. It was basically electronic music for 85-year-olds.

It’s not even the guitar fiddler’s fault. Bistro Zinc had him pipped in on these obxnoxiously-placed speakers.

Add in a waiter who seemed like he wanted to be anywhere else too, a hostess who somehow turned simple seating into 15-minute waits with a plenty of open tables and … well, Bistro Zinc is the first restaurant I can think of that makes it nearly impossible to say one nice thing about it. Even McDonald’s has some high-quality straws.

This is just my experience from one night. But you’ve been warned.

Lake Las Vegas deserves better. A meal at Bistro Zinc could make a man never eat off The Strip again.

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