Jul 31

Canadians are more wimpy sensitive than Sergio Garcia, Al Gore & Wie Warriors put together

I always thought of Canadians as mountain men with good palates. Folks who could survive in the woods but still appreciate a great bottle of wine.

Then I wrote about Canada being a good summer golf destination and realized just how wimpy and whiny many Canadians are.

Somehow I’d missed these crybabies in golf adventures to Whistler, the Kootenays and the Okanagans. But apparently they’re out there. (Maybe they congregate near Toronto like America’s East Coast loons).

For when I wrote that “almost all of Canada is summer proof,” they sprang out of their air-conditioned mini hybrids like I’d insulted maple syrup or Michael Moore, the patron saint of Canada. This was meant as a compliment. In golf terms, summer proof means that you’re not worrying about 115 degree days like in Arizona or Las Vegas or 145 percent humidity like in Florida where only swamp creatures and our own Tim McDonald stay for August.

Summer proof illustrates that it’s enjoyable to actually be outside playing golf in the summer. Which was pretty obvious from the piece.

That didn’t stop every Canuck with a thermometer to e-mail in their current temperature reading and outrage. In this same newsletter, I noted that Sergio Garcia needs “something more below the belt” and intimated that Al Gore is using global warming to fuel his political ambitions.

And nobody took umbrage at either of those points - except for the lone Sergio fan left twisting in the Scottish wind.

But Canada went bonkers in defense of its summer. Some of these crazies who don’t lock their doors at night proudly argued that Canada’s summer is actually more hot and miserable than the U.S.’s. Take that! One fool noted that Winnipeg’s temperature stood at 95 degrees.

Which is sort of like giving Iraq’s temperature. Who wants to golf there either? Newsflash, if you don’t have a time machine to go back and see the Gretzky-Messier Edmonton Oilers play the since-departed Winnipeg Jets at Winnipeg Arena, there is absolutely no sane reason to visit Winnipeg.

So what gives Canada? What happened to your hearty spirit? Are you suddenly cocky because your dollar is no longer worth 50 cents?

I didn’t even mention how a two 5-year-olds with Super Soakers could take down your entire army.

Canada’s a great summer golf destination. And it’s suddenly full of wimps. No wonder the customs agent was so jumpy when I came in. Ah?

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9 comments

§ Al Cohol said on : 2007-07-31 @ 06:03
Canadians are "wimpy" because they are tired of ignorant American's repetitively wading knee deep through Canadian cliches? Or maybe your cracks about maple syrup and hockey are uniquely clever and we all just missed it. By the way, you forgot to mention moose and beavers.
§ Rick Montenegro said on : 2007-07-31 @ 07:33
Oooo yaahh, it get's warm but there's no humidity, don't cha know. And, their alcohol content is much higher, eh? Don't worry, there are hosers in every group. You betcha!
§ Ron Mon® said on : 2007-07-31 @ 07:54
Coming from a state where you have scorching and more scorching (how's that for an uniformed statement, since I've never been to Nevada), it's easy to see why you'd mistake one level of summer for another. Yup, it's probably a hyper-sensitive reaction, but what can you do? Can't please them all.
§ Kiel Christianson® said on : 2007-07-31 @ 10:22
Two words: Black flies.
§ putt4par said on : 2007-07-31 @ 10:25
Two words: American Tourists.
§ Ron Mon® said on : 2007-07-31 @ 11:31
Ontario by me has no black flies. Niagara Falls, ONT has at least ten world-class 18s open or in the works. Here's a list:

Grand Niagara #1
Legends # 1
Legends # 2
Pen Lakes 27
Royal Niagara 27
(that makes 6)
Thundering Waters
Whirlpool

To Come:
Niagara River
Grand Niagara # 2
§ BV said on : 2007-07-31 @ 14:08
Disparaging "East Coast loons" and "drivers of mini-hybrids" in one paragraph! Darn, Chris - if you keep that up, I may have to actually start reading your blogs on a regular basis! ;)

I'm pretty sure the Canadians are just feeling their oats now that their dollar is actually almost worth something! ;)
§ Oui Oui Oui said on : 2007-08-01 @ 10:15
Canada's #1 sport is hockey where figthing is condoned. Majority of them live in sub-zero temperature more than half the year.

Wimps? I fear not. Bullied? Perhaps.
§ Syd Nohcud said on : 2007-08-04 @ 11:29
You've got to give those Canadians credit.
After a long, cold winter they emerge to golf in the heat with those mosquitoes and blackflies