Aloha means you're an ass: A Hawaii native tip

Nov 28

Aloha means you're an ass: A Hawaii native tip

The quickest way to out yourself as a dorky tourist in Hawaii is to go around saying, “Aloha” to everyone. This works better than one of those fanny packs.

And you don’t necessarily want a bunch of people happily screaming “Aloha” to you either.

That just means they look at you as a rube with an easy-open wallet. No one who actually grew up in Hawaii uses aloha in their regular, non-tourist speak. The word’s basically a marketing invention of the tourism industry. It’s for people who used to watch bad TV shows in the 70s.

You can learn about this - and many other things - pretty easily by actually talking to a Native Hawaiian like Larry Mano when you’re here playing golf or hitting the beaches.

“You know what aloha means to me?” Mano said. “It means hello, here’s my money, goodbye. It’s a commercial. You’re just speaking commercial.”

You’d be better off walking around these beautiful islands barking out, “Have a Coke and a smile” or “Where’s the beef?” At least then, people might think you’re a little crazy and be hesitant to try and rip you off.

It’s amazing how few people who go on a vacation to Hawaii actually talk to people who live in Hawaii. Besides asking them for more ice cubes in their drinks or for directions to Costco. Go ahead and engage some locals in conversation. You might actually learn something about real life in the place you’re traveling.

As for those catchy Hawaiian sayings you’re dying to try out? Just don’t. Hi works fine.

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11 comments

§ Kiel Christianson said on : 2007-11-28 @ 10:41
Right you are. Best meal and conversation I ever had in Hawaii was at a roadside food stand in Hilo -- pork steamed in taro leaf and not a tourist in sight. Learned a lot. Captain Cook Hotel on the Big Island is locally owned and operated, and is a great place to get away from toursits and howlies. And the pork chops there are as big as your head.
§ Ron Mon® said on : 2007-11-28 @ 15:26
Funny thing...I thought "Chris Baldwin" was the international code for ... oh, never mind. It's too easy. Aloha.
§ Cheryl Aloha said on : 2007-11-28 @ 15:26
I don't know who this Larry Mano is that you spoke with, but you really should have done more research before writing this. Aloha is NOT a marketing tool. It really is a true expression. A day does not go by without saying Aloha or hearing someone say Aloha to me. In Hawaii the majority of people actually Live Aloha in their daily lives. Aloha, the breath of life...we treat each other as we want to be treated; with love, compassion and dignity!
§ JP said on : 2007-11-28 @ 18:59
I don't think Aloha is a marketing tool either. If you think about it, Hawaii locals use the word "Aloha" for other things than for money. However, I do agree tourists or new residents of Hawaii should not constantly say Aloha or try to act local. It's a big no-no, just be yourself! It's the same in any other state.
§ Ka'ipo said on : 2007-11-28 @ 22:51
I'd be remiss of my responsibility as a Hawaiian if I did not at least offer some precious insight regarding "Aloha". Mr. Mano's interpretation represents a minority on a very short list! Aloha in its simplest form is a greeting of hello and good-bye. Yet in it's deepest sense, Aloha represents an entire values system that has evolved nearly 2,000 years with the first Polynesians to our islands. In short, Aloha today is an altruistic expression of love, compassion, kindness, gratitude and many other wonderful things. And it is demonstrated through random acts of kindness, and respecting and accepting people and cultures for their strengths and differences, rather than dismiss them for their shortcomings. On a spiritual level, to demonstrate Aloha is to recognize the "God" or higher spirit in others -- hence, the "ha",or breath of life, in alo-ha. Hawaiians do not hold the patent on love and compassion. It's a multi-cultural expression. But to speak in the context of "Aloha" is Hawaiian. As a "native-Hawaiian", Mr. Mano would serve his culture, and the world, well if he offered his "good mana", or energy, to teaching others the right thing. There's a local saying, "not all hula is learned in one school." The same holds true for writers, any-writers, to do their research beforehand and seek counsel from other resources, even if this is only a blog. Aloha...
§ Lester Hinson said on : 2007-11-29 @ 06:57
>>>"In short, Aloha today is an altruistic expression of love, compassion, kindness, gratitude and many other wonderful things?"

Ka'ipo, you are a nitwit! Step - away - from - the - bong.
§ Kiel Chrfistianson said on : 2007-11-29 @ 09:33
I think the difference may lie in SAYING
"aloha" vs. MEANING or LIVING "aloha."
§ Judge Smails said on : 2007-11-29 @ 12:34
Regardless of how "Aloha" is viewed in Hawaii, there is a larger point here. People who go out of their way to embrace the customs or norms of a place just end up looking like saps.

I'm reminded here of the dummies who'll go into a Thai restaurant and start bowing to the maitre d, as if that's going to engender respect. Then there are the political candidates who'll be at a certain venue and feign the local accent. Al Gore and Hillary Clinton come to mind. It makes you look like an idiot.
§ Ka'ipo said on : 2007-11-29 @ 14:58
Aloha Lester Hinston. Mahalo for helping me to appreciate and be even more thankful for that which I have been blessed. Mahalo nui...
§ BV said on : 2007-12-06 @ 15:05
Well, if 'aloha' means "you're an ass" - then I sure want to say ALOHA to both Lester and Baldie! ;)

I lived on Oahu and Maui for 12 years in the 70's and 80's - my experiences agree and dovetail with both Chery and Kai'po (I don't have a CLUE who this Larry guy is that Baldie quoted).

Honestly, I'm really starting to believe that Chris just tosses these blog entries off to hack people off...as opposed to try and inform anyone.

Aloha from Florida, y'all!!! ;)
§ Wilo said on : 2007-12-07 @ 16:27
Larry was jerking you big time, Bra.

I would say you are the ass-if you don't know what Aloha is

Next time go to Vegas

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