Top Ten Things You Won't Hear at a Fantasy Football Draft

Labor Day weekend brings so many lovely things: cooler weather, a return to school for the litluns, yes, the ubiquitous Fantasy Football Draft. This year, my team of fellow chicks own such fantasy studs as Rudi Johnson and Marvin Harrison. Last season we made the playoffs. I’m not so confident this go-around.

Which reminds me, here’s my list of Top Ten Things You Won’t Hear at an FFL Draft:

10. No beer for me, thanks, I’ll just have a wine spritzer.

9. My kicker is better than your kicker.

8. Let’s make this quick, I’ve got a pedicure in an hour.

7. Those white jeans are so flattering on you!

6. And for our second pick, we’ll take the Bucs’ D.

5. Have you tried a bra-fitting at Nordstrom’s? They?re fantastic!

4. Yeah, I know LaDainian Tomlinson is still available, but we should definitely take Brett Favre. Trust me on this.

3. Still sad over the breakup? A pint of Haagen-Dazs will perk you right up.

2. Hey guys, for our next book club meeting, I think we should read The Bridges of Madison County.

And the number one thing you’ll never hear at an FFL draft:

1. Is that the new Celine Dion CD? Turn it up!

Okay, I’ll be honest, you’re not likely to hear that among all-female groups, either. At least not among real women?regardless of what makers of feminine products might try to tell you.

Except maybe that bit about the bra fittings. They actually are pretty great.

So other than FFL drafts and bra fittings, what I’m most delighted by now that summer dwindles to a close is cooler weather. After three straight months of 95 degree days with 95 percent humidity, I’m exhilarated by the simple delight of being able to play golf again. It’s been way too long.

And just in time for hurricane season.