This month’s Golf Digest offers a clever little feature entitled “Top 10 things to say to rattle your match play opponent.” For example, “Do you always take your club that far back on your backswing?” Or even better, “Does your kid have a tattoo? I could’ve sworn I saw him coming out of a tattoo parlor the other day.”

And my personal favorite: “I can’t wait to get Hillary Clinton back in the White House. We need her more than ever.”

Well I don’t know about the rest of you ladies, but my usual match play opponent tends to be my husband. And husbands have the most easily exploited underbellies around.

So ladies, with all due respect to the jokesters at Golf Digest, I bring you the Top 10 Things to Say to Rattle Your Husband (or Boyfriend) in Match Play. I can personally vouch for the shanks-inducing power of Number 4. Feel free to contribute if you see fit.

10. We need to talk.

9. You should’ve heard what the women in the pro shop were saying about you.

8. Remember my ex-boyfriend Bill? He called me the other day—he and his wife are breaking up.

7. Honey, I want to remodel the house again.

6. As soon as we get home, do you know what I’m gonna do to you?

5. Oh damn, I forgot to tell you, you know that big potential client of yours? He called a couple of days ago, he said it was urgent.

4. I’m going commando.

3. I’ve decided to join a Women’s Anger Group, like in Jerry Maguire. They’re going to meet at our house on Tuesdays.

2. Weren’t we supposed to pick up the kids ten minutes ago?

And the number-one thing guaranteed to rattle your husband in match play:

1. I’m late.

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