Jennifer Mario

David Feherty learning the new rules the hard way?

David Feherty, golf analyst and my personal favorite funnyman, is finding himself in a tub o’ hot water due to his latest column written for a Dallas local magazine, opining on his new neighbors, George and Laura Bush.

The line in question?

From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this, though: despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there’s a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death.

The line has the media in a tizzy. “Mr. Feherty’s violent comments about Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid are disgusting,” said watchdog group Media Matters for America president Eric Burns. “CBS Sports should demand its golf analyst apologize to our soldiers.”

Good old Media Matters - they’re nothing if not consistent in their support for the government and our military. You should have heard their outrage when George Dubya was on the receiving end of jokes like that. Oh wait, did I say outrage? Only if by “outrage” I meant “knee-slapping guffaws.”

Interestingly, while the media demands an apology from Mr. Feherty, it is simultaneously falling all over itself defending jokes made by comedian Wanda Sykes at Obama’s recent Correspondent’s Association Dinner that could, ironically, also be described as “violent” and/or “disgusting.” Rush Limbaugh wanted to blow up the World Trade Center? “Fantastic!” gushed the AP. Pelosi and Reid getting offed in an elevator? Quick, start passing out the torches and pitchforks!

Free speech for me, but not for thee, got that Mr. Feherty?

I think he might get it, because Feherty has already apologized for his comment. Not that it will do any good, of course; cries for apologies were promptly upgraded to cries for his firing.

See Dave, you broke the cardinal rule: thou shalt not make snarky comments about the government. Yeah yeah, I know it’s a brand-new rule. It happened faster than it took most liberals to rip their “Dissent is the highest form of patriotism” bumper stickers off their hybrids. But since apparently you had not been informed, as of Tuesday, January 20th of this year, the media simultaneously turned in their media credentials and donned cheerleader uniforms.

Our new administration cannot, will not, must not be mocked. As WorldGolf.com’s own William K. Wolfrum has observed, Barack Obama’s power is as absolute as Tiger Woods’: “Basically, like Obama,” Wolfrum recently wrote, “all sins are rendered moot, because for god’s sake, it’s Tiger Woods we’re talking about.”

The funny thing is, Feherty’s politics are pretty much split down the middle. As he describes it, he’s “for capital punishment for child molesters and anyone who disapproves of gay marriage.” So Miss California Carrie Prejean had better hope she doesn’t find herself in that proverbial elevator with Feherty.

I’ve read enough of Feherty’s stuff to know that he dishes it out to both sides; I’ve also read enough to know that he’s freaking hilarious.

Let’s hope Feherty’s mishap blows over quickly so he can go back to doing what he does best - writing about golf. Just toe the PC line already, will you, Dave? Your writing career is one of the best thing’s golf’s got going - I’d hate to see something happen to it.

Hey, he’s Irish, maybe they’ll give him a mulligan.

What men can learn from the ladies

So I went out today for my first 18-hole round in quite a while. Knowing that I was in it for the long haul and also knowing that I would be playing with some ladies from my club, I arrived a half hour early and started warming up at the range.

This isn’t remarkable in itself other than the fact that I never “hit the range” before a round of golf. Why? Because I usually play with my husband, and he would rather poke needles in his eyes than arrive a half hour early to warm up before a round of golf. He’s more of a screech into the parking lot two seconds before his tee time kind of guy, throwing on his shoes sitting on the back bumper of the car, then letting fly his first swing of the day right there on the first tee.

After nine years as regular golf partners, we’ve finally compromised to the point where he’ll allow us to arrive five minutes early so I can use the potty before we head to the first tee. If you knew my husband, you’d know that was a major victory for me. And you’d also know that it’s only because it makes him crazy when I tell him I have to use the potty. “Woman, why didn’t you go before we left the house!” Ha ha, the joke’s on him–I did!

So during my 30 minutes on the range, I observed a pattern emerging. My playing partners and I arrived at about the same time, performed some gentle stretches, then simultaneously pulled out our pitching wedges and began hitting pitch shots into little baskets 50 yards out.

Meanwhile, two foursomes of men were also gathering for their matches. One of them pulled two clubs out of his bag and began muscling them through the air. Another reached straight for his driver, gave a few practice balls some whacks, and said loudly, “Let’s go, we don’t want to waste all our good shots.”

Us ladies, meanwhile, worked our way up gradually from pitching wedges to seven irons, to fairway woods, and eventually our drivers, then back down again ending with a few chip shots. We moved on to the putting green where we were surprised to find a few men who were actually practicing their putting. Turns out they were only there because they were waiting for the last player in their foursome. As soon as he got there, still lacing his shoes, they were off like the proverbial prom dress.

Now I don’t know how you learned the great game of golf, but I can guarantee any instructor you talk to will tell you the same thing: we women are right. We don’t think of warming up as wasting our good shots, we think of it as getting the bad ones out of the way.

Practice is a good thing. So’s warming up. If I could compare it to any one thing, I’d compare it to, pardon the pun… foreplay. And considering the two genders’ relative takes on the concept of foreplay, I really shouldn’t be surprised by the way this particular issue breaks between the two sexes. But guys, you should really try it some time. The benefits–well, let’s just say your game will appreciate the effort.

What's so great about the Mercedes Championship?

This weekend marks the Mercedes Championship, official opener for the 2009 PGA Tour season.

But I know what you’re thinking: With Tiger Woods’ knee issues keeping him out of the field, there’s not much point in tuning in just yet.

So I offer you this, five reasons to watch the Mercedes Championship.

1. It’s in Hawaii. I don’t know about you, but from where I sit in my windy, rainy, 30-degree state, Hawaii’s looking pretty good to me. That Barack Obama, who knew he could solve the global warming crisis before even taking office? Remarkable. But frankly, I wouldn’t object to my part of the globe being a tad warmer.

2. It’s Kapalua Plantation. If you’ve played it—and you probably have—you know what I’m talking about. Watching the pros turn a crazy-hard course in challenging conditions into a birdiefest is a joy to behold. I reviewed Kapalua Plantation shortly after it reopened from its greens-remodel a couple of years ago, and went home with my tail between my legs—and that was playing from the front tees. While some purists may enjoy the heartbreak of US Open conditions (nothing under par, please), the rest of us actually like seeing eagles beat birdies, thank you.

The 18th hole alone makes the tournament worth a look. It’s a 663-yard dogleg par 5, the PGA Tour’s longest hole, and the pros generally expect to make it on in two. As Kapalua is a resort course, you just might get the satisfaction of seeing a pro screw up a hole you birdied last year.

3. It’s the season opener. This is where we see who’s been working during the offseason and who hasn’t. With four of the PGA Tour’s top-ranked players (Tiger, Sergio, Mickelson, and Padraig Harrington) out of the mix for their various reasons, that just leaves more top for the cream to rise to. Will the winner be a stalwart favorite, say Ernie Els, who although he hasn’t played at the MC since 2005, has finished third or better in four of his five starts?

Another possibility, if you’re into that kind of thing, is Hall of Famer Vijay Singh, 2007’s winner and looking to continue the momentum from December’s Chevron World Challenge victory. Or will 2009 prove to be the year of the young guns, as a new crop of up and comers make their marks, such as Anthony Kim, Zach Johnson, or Camilo Villegas?

4. The field is champions-only, please, the rest of you losers are benched until next week. The Mercedes Championship invites only the previous year’s champions—and this year, only 33 of them could make it, including seven of the top 15 players in golf. So Tiger et al’s absence aside, you’re seeing the best of the best, my friends.

5. This might be your last chance. Nothing’s definite yet, but rumor has it the MC as we know it is on something of shaky ground. If it returns to Kapalua next year, which it might not, look for a new format—major-winners from the past 5 years, perhaps. The 54-year old tournament has been played at Kapalua for the last 11 years; it’d be a shame to miss the last one.

Here’s where to watch:
Thu, 1/8: Golf Channel 6p - 10:30p ET
Fri, 1/9: Golf Channel 6p - 10:30p ET
Sat, 1/10: Golf Channel 6p - 10:30p ET
Sun, 1/11: Golf Channel 6p - 10p ET

(By the way, if you’re thinking about going to Hawaii to play golf, check out these deals.)

JP Hayes: The most honest golfer in the world? Or just plain crazy?

A few years ago I penned a column opining on the primary difference between male and female golfers. In my view, it’s pretty simple: men cheat more.

In light of recent events concerning one J.P. Hayes, I take it all back.

If you’ve been living under the proverbial rock, Hayes is a golf pro who’s been trying to earn his Tour card for next year. At Q-school last week, he was doing just fine until he realized, after finishing a par 3, that he had played a ball other than the type he’d started his round with.

Being the upstanding golf citizen that he is, he called a two-stroke penalty on himself. No fun, but even with the penalty he was still in contention for making it to the final round of Q-school.

But the story doesn’t end there. Later in his hotel room, he realized with a start that the errant ball wasn’t just the wrong model—it was illegal.

“It was a Titleist prototype, and somehow it had gotten into my bag,” Hayes explained later. “It had been four weeks since Titleist gave me some prototype balls and I tested them. I have no idea or why it was still in there.”

What’s an upstanding golf citizen to do? Disqualify himself.

So a guy who really, really needed to earn that Tour card just disqualified himself from the only means by which he can earn that Tour card, by pointing out an error that frankly, no one in the world would ever have known about otherwise.

Hayes has my respect, no question. He also has a few people wondering if he’s completely batfreaking insane. But he understands what those kinds of people don’t: in golf, we don’t have anyone looking over our shoulders calling the shots and the fouls. In golf, we call them ourselves. We are our own referees.

The price for honesty in this case was awfully high—a PGA Tour card. But Hayes would rightly argue that it wasn’t being honest that cost him the card—it was playing an illegal ball.

When it comes to integrity, tournament golf demands a high standard, and J.P. Hayes just met it.

The ladies locker room wish list

(This one’s for you, UK Wendy)

So… my golf club is revamping their locker rooms, and the ladies were asked: what would you like in your locker rooms?

Being busy and frankly, a little lazy (hence the frequency of my latest posts), I got as far as “spray-on sunscreen and a full-time massage therapist.”

But the more I think about it, the more it occurs to me, I should really take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity. I mean, how often do you get asked: if you could have anything you wanted, anything at all, what would it be?

So I pass the question along to my fellow lady golfers: if you had ultimate power over your ladies locker room, what would you include?

Here we go again... Michelle Wie, at the top of the leaderboard, gets DQ'd from State Farm Classic

The British Open is drawing all the attention this weekend, so golf fans can be forgiven for missing what was a pretty major story at the LPGA State Farm Classic. Once again, Michelle Wie found herself disqualified.

Her error this time was the sin of omission—after a stellar round of 65 on Friday that put her in second place, she forgot to sign her scorecard. Volunteers called her back, she walked back and signed it, and thought everything was fine.

It wasn’t.

She had already stepped outside the roped area around the scorer’s tent before she was called back, a no-no according to Rule 6-6. “She was like a little kid after you tell them there’s no Santa Clause,” said an oddly gleeful-sounding Sue Witters, the LPGA’s director of tournament competitions who broke the news to Wie and apparently goes around telling little kids that there’s no Santa Clause.

Like the 2005 Samsung Championship, where a bad drop cost her a fourth-place finish, she was informed of her error well after the fact. In this case, she made the mistake on Friday, but wasn’t informed until after completing her Saturday round.

This DQ hurts a lot more than the Samsung did, three years ago: Her three rounds of 67, 65, 67 were her best performances of late—there’s no telling what might have been, but another good round could have clinched her first LPGA victory.

This was as costly a mistake as Michelle could have made. She’s been trying to earn her way onto the LPGA via the money-list rule, whereby the top 80 money makers receive automatic exemption for the following year. Had she placed second or better this weekend, a Tour card would have been all but assured.

She’s allowed to play in only eight LPGA events in ‘08, and the State Farm was her sixth. Opportunities to crack that top 80 are running out.

The good news, for Michelle, is the fact that she was in second place at all. It’s been a while since she’s seen the other side of par, let alone seventeen strokes below it. The fact that she got to seventeen under, with the outright lead on the 17th hole of the third round has got to be a boost to a confidence that’s taken a beating lately.

My second ball is a scratch golfer

You’ve heard people make the claim before, I’m sure. After a bad shot, they hit another one “just for practice,” and rather than be happy with the results of their second, perfect shot that lands two feet from the pin, they just get bitter.

I found myself alone on the golf course yesterday, with not a soul in front or behind me. With time on my hands and an extra ball in my pocket, I decided this was an ideal opportunity to test the theory for myself.

Sure, it’s one thing to follow up one shot with another. But if you were to play your second ball all the way through, would it really be a scratch golfer?

So I hit two off the tee on a longish par 4. The first went short and right. The second, long and straight. I walked up to the first ball—we’ll call her “Golfer 1″—and proceeded to hit a middling shot short of the green. Golfer 2, meanwhile, hit a lovely arc that landed about ten feet short of the pin.

Golfer 1 took three more shots to get down, leaving her with a bogey, a standard score for Golfer 1 these days. Golfer 2 barely missed her birdie putt, then tapped in for par.

The next hole followed much the same pattern. And the next. What do you know, my second ball really is a scratch golfer!

But Golfer 2 never finished her round. Around the 12th hole, she had an etiquette lapse and walked in 1’s line. Golfer 1 was tired of 2’s superior attitude, so she reciprocated by coughing in 2’s backswing.

Things could have turned ugly, so I finally ditched 2 in the nearest lake. On top of everything else, she was slowing me down big time. She might be a better golfer, but she’s no fun as a partner.

This week's Sybase Classic: a rubber match for Lorena Ochoa and Annika Sorenstam?

With news of Annika’s imminent retirement from professional golf, chances to see her go head to head with Lorena Ochoa are lessening with every tournament.

Last weekend at the Michelob Ultra Open, it was looking like a heated battle as the two players were placed first and second going into the weekend. But Sorenstam pulled ahead while Ochoa fell apart, and the final round ended up somewhat less than climactic.

But it’s a new day, a new tournament. The second round of the Sybase Classic is underway, and both Annika and Ochoa have spots in the top ten, Annika now tied for 3rd, Ochoa tied for 6th.

Ochoa is actually going for a threepeat this weekend—she won the last two Sybase Classics in a row. But Annika’s no slouch at the Sybase either—she’s also won it twice, in 1998 and 2000.

Have we got ourselves a rubber match?

Speaking of Annika’s retirement, blogger Mulligan Stu did some digging and uncovered the real reasons why she’s stepping away. Good stuff, Stu–except I should point out that Oslo is in Norway, not Sweden.

Here’s the TV schedule for the Sybase Classic:

May 16 1:30-3:30 PM ET ESPN2
May 17 2:00-4:00 PM ET ESPN2
May 18 2:00-4:00 PM ET ESPN2

Update! With Friday’s unplayable conditions, the LPGA scrubbed all Friday’s scores and turned the tournament into a 54-hole event. That means Sorenstam and Ochoa are entering the weekend rounds at T1, T3.

Annika Sorenstam says: no more golf for me, thanks, I'm done

Big news in the golf world: Annika Sorenstam announced this afternoon that she’s planning to “step away from competitive golf” after this season. Wow and wow.

Sorenstam has achieved pretty much every honor known to pro golf. The Hall of Famer has won 72 tournaments to date, including ten majors and a career Grand Slam. She’s been the LPGA player of the year a record eight times.

How appropriate that the former world number one is going out on top, having recovered from the back and neck injuries that plagued her last season. She’s finally back to peak form, having won three tournaments already this season including last week’s Michelob Ultra Open by seven strokes.

So what is she going to do now? She says she wants to focus on her businesses and on starting a family—she’s currently engaged to Mike McGee and is planning to marry in January of 2009. Along with golf schools, golf clothes, and golf courses, will there be little Annikas to look forward to?

Personally I wish she’d stick around long enough to beat Kathy Whitworth’s record of 88 wins. And that she and Lorena Ochoa would continue to battle for that number-one spot–rivalries make sports so much fun. But if anyone’s earned the right to quit when she’s ahead, it’s Annika.

“I’ve done a lot, and I’m satisfied in a lot of things,” she said. “I’ve achieved so much more than I ever thought I could.”

You can watch her press conference announcement here.

Annika Sorenstam and Lorena Ochoa neck and neck at the Michelob Ultra Open

Take a look at the leaderboard at the Michelob Ultra Open, and you might think you’re looking at the Rolex Women’s World Golf Rankings.

The world’s two best women golfers are currently leading the pack, with Annika at 12 under, Lorena three strokes behind at 9 under. It’s a real live showdown, folks.

The pair have finished 1st and 2nd at two other tournaments this season, but Ochoa’s always gotten the best of Annika, by five strokes at the Kraft Nabisco, and by eleven at the HSBC Women’s Champions. Annika’s two victories this season, meanwhile, have both come on weekends when Ochoa opted to stay home. Is Annika, with her bogey-free scorecard, going to turn this trend around and show Ochoa who’s boss?

Joining them in their group tomorrow will be former major winner Jeong Jang, who’s currently tied for second with Ochoa. Interestingly, the third player in their threesome for the first two rounds was none other than Suzann Pettersen, number three in the current world rankings. “Doesn’t seem like it’s random, does it,” quipped Sorenstam of the pairing.

Neither Sorenstam nor Ochoa have ever won the Michelob Ultra Open, although Ochoa’s come close as a three-time runner-up. Something tells me she’s not interested in playing for second this time around.

• Saturday: ESPN2 2:00-4:00 PM ET
• Sunday: ESPN2 2:00-4:00 PM ET

Annika Sorenstam takes advantage of Paula Creamer's mistakes and Lorena Ochoa's absence to win her 71st victory

Annika Sorenstam edged out Paula Creamer in a one-hole sudden death playoff to pick up her 71st victory today at the Stanford International Pro-Am, her second win of the season.

After Thursday’s first round, Sorenstam called the course “silly tough.” I’m sure Creamer is thinking along the same lines today after one missed birdie opportunity after another.

The playoff hole (Creamer’s first playoff as a pro) was particularly underwhelming. Both Sorenstam and Creamer laid up on the long par-5, then hit their third shots over water, Sorenstam hitting the green, Creamer landing on the fringe. Both missed their birdie putts, Creamer sending hers screaming five or six feet past. Sorenstam tapped in for par, Creamer did the unthinkable and left hers short, a mistake she attributed to nerves. You gotta feel good for Sorenstam but jeez, no one wants to win a tournament like that.

The hug they exchanged after the round looked less like a congratulations to Annika and more like a consolation for Paula.

Sorenstam said afterward, “Obviously it was not the finish Paula had in mind, but we fought very hard, both of us, and we just gotta take it.”

It’s the first time in five weeks someone other than Lorena Ochoa won an LPGA tournament. Why didn’t she win this week too? For one thing, she wasn’t there—she took the week off.

Which of course leaves us wondering—had Ochoa been there this week, would the Sorenstam/Creamer battle been a fight for second?

Lorena Ochoa wins four in a row; stands poised to make golf history

Lorena Ochoa showed she’s perfectly capable of a come-from-behind win this weekend at the Ginn Open. Entering the weekend a stroke behind rookie Yani Tseng, she went seven under on Saturday, three under on Sunday to make up all the ground she needed and then some, for her fourth consecutive win.

The four-peat ties the LPGA record of most consecutive wins currently held by Mickey Wright, Kathy Whitworth, and Annika Sorenstam. One more win will put her in the record books for good.

What was most surprising about Ochoa’s win wasn’t the relatively small three-stroke victory margin (she’s been winning by as much as eleven strokes this season), it was the form taken by her biggest competition—19-year-old Taiwanese rookie Tseng. The final round almost became a match-play between Ochoa and Tseng until three bogeys in the last six holes took Tseng out of the running; third place finishers Suzann Pettersen and Teresa Lu finished a full five strokes behind Tseng.

LPGA headliners Annika Sorenstam, Morgan Pressel, and Paula Creamer didn’t even crack the top-ten. Sorenstam finished T48, Pressel T25, and Creamer T66.

Ochoa’s taking a much-needed break this week. Her next appearance will be at the SemGroup Championship Presented by John Q. Hammons, May 1-4.

Breaking news: Lorena Ochoa not in the lead at the Ginn Open--for now, anyway

After winning four of her five tournaments this season, it’s getting to the point where the big news isn’t when Lorena Ochoa is ahead, but when she’s not.

“It’s nice to be a few shots behind,” Ochoa said yesterday after her second round at the Ginn Open. Yes, I’m sure it gets old to always be ten or eleven strokes out front. It must be a real drag.

Ochoa shot 68, 67–good enough for her current position of T3, three strokes behind the current leader, rookie Yani Tseng. The Taiwanese teenager shot a blistering 64 yesterday to take the lead going into the weekend.

Second on the leaderboard is Suzann Pettersen. After a ho-hum start to her season, Pettersen finished in a tie for second a few weeks ago at the year’s first major, the Kraft Nabisco.

Last season proved to be a breakout year for Pettersen, with five victories including her first major; it was just a matter of time before she’d start appearing at the top of the leaderboard again.

Perhaps Tseng can benefit from a little trick Ochoa uses: “Even when I’m winning, I try to think that I’m behind and try to play my own game and make a lot of birdies,” says Ochoa. “That’s the only way to keep good focus and play good.”

Watch the final round on CBS from 1 to 3 pm ET.

While Tiger Woods grinds at the Masters, Lorena Ochoa enters Corona Championship final round with a seven stroke lead

I don’t really need to write the rest of this blog, you got the main dope right there in the headline.

That’s right, Lorena Ochoa shot three consecutive 66s and is entering the final round of the Corona Championship with a seven-stroke lead over current runner-up Inbee Park. Think she’s going to win? At the risk of jinxing the woman, I’d say it’s a safe bet. Of the three wins she’s already chalked up this season, the smallest margin she won by was five strokes.

Improving her chances is the fact that several of the LPGA’s top performers–Annika Sorenstam, Paula Creamer, Morgan Pressel, Karrie Webb–are sitting this one out.

A win today will bring Ochoa up to four wins out of five starts. An 80% win percentage. Three wins in a row. The domination continues.

Hey, if your TV has picture-in-picture and you can stand giving up some valuable screen real estate as you’re watching the Masters, check out the action on channel… no, wait. I take it back, the Corona Championship, played in Morelia, Michoacan, Mexico, won’t be showing on TV today. So suck it up and keep your eye on the leaderboard here.

Tiger Woods and Lorena Ochoa: Will we see two Grand Slams this year?

Sports writers love a good storyline. And in the world of golf, the storyline this season has been “Will Tiger win the Grand Slam?”

Personally, I think we might see not just one Grand Slam this year, but two.

That’s right, two Grand Slams. One for the men, and one for the ladies.

This weekend we’re treated to the Masters, and you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who’s betting against Tiger. But Lorena Ochoa is already a quarter of the way there with Sunday’s win at the Kraft Nabisco.

This has been a season of supremacy for Ochoa. She’s played in four tournaments and won three of them. She’s won the last two women’s majors in a row, with last summer’s Ricoh Women’s British Open. She’s won eight of her last 13 events. The woman is on a roll.

And when she wins, she wins big. Eleven strokes at the HSBC Women’s Champions, seven strokes at the Safeway International, and now five at the Kraft Nabisco. She’s leaving the field so far behind, her competitors are wondering if they’re even playing the same game anymore.

We haven’t seen dominance like this since, well, Tiger Woods. So if she ends up holding four major titles at the same time, do we rename it an “Ochoa-Slam"?