Televised golf has gotten about as bad as it can get. In fact, it’s gotten downright obscene. And I’m not talking about David Toms’ middle finger.

Before elaborating, let me say that I am pretty much the furthest thing from a prude you can find. In fact, I think Paris Hilton’s Hardee’s commercial is just fine.

But what is really, truly offensive is the BARRAGE of ads for erectile dysfunction meds that bombard us golf viewers at every commercial break. I mean come on. We golfers were just beginning to shake the stereotype of being fashion-challenged, only to be thought of now as limp and lifeless. And I ain’t talking about our hair.

Why are these commercials so offensive? Let me see…:

First, have you ever looked at the women on these commercials? They are complete babes. If the guy can’t get going on his own just looking at these hotties, he should stay on the course.

Second, have you looked at the guys? The oldest is 50, tops, and looks to be in impeccable shape. These are NOT the guys who typically require Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra.

Third, by portraying the target audience of these ads as young and vibrant, the advertisers are insinuating into the minds of 40- and 50-somethings that they might in fact need such drugs. “Hmmm…,” we think, “I’m not quite 21 anymore. Maybe I DO need a helping hand, when a helping hand seems to take longer than it used to…”

Fourth, the damn warning: “Erections lasting more than four hours, require immediate medical attention.” Four hours!?!? What’s a doctor going to do, unless he sends over a nurse with a very short skirt and fishnet stockings? If I’m going for four hours, I’m calling an agent, not a doctor, and getting into a very different business.

Fifth, I was dead serious about the Paris Hilton thing earlier: I find these ED ads far more offensive. If my six-year-old asks me why Hilton is gyrating and eating a burger, all I need to say is this: “Companies want people to remember their names. One way to do that is to get people to remember their ads. People like to look at pretty women (and men), and at least some people think Hilton is pretty (I am not among them). So they will remember this ad because they will remember her. Then, maybe, they’ll want to buy a burger.”

But when my daughter asks what a Levitra ad is about, I have to say something like this: “Well, when a man gets older, the blood flow to his penis sometimes gets restricted, which makes it more difficult to achieve and maintain….”

See what I mean? Honestly, which is more uncomfortable?

So spare me the indignities flung at Hilton and Hardee’s. Until the geriatric softcore of the ED ads is removed from middle-of-the-day golf broadcasts, the religious right and other objectors don’t have a third leg to stand on.

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