Apr 09

Masters pet peeve: Lanny the Commentary Guy

You can’t stop the rain. And you can’t help but give shots back around Amen Corner. And maybe you can’t even stop dopey phtographers clicking during your backswing.

But can someone please stop Lanny Wadkins? Perhaps no other announcer in the history of the game has begged for a headcover to be shoved into his yap more than Wadkins.

I haven’t been taking notes, I confess. So I cannot give a full account of all the irritating platitudes, truisms, and hollow chatter this man spews forth. But one series of comments sticks out in my mind. Yesterday at one point, a player hit one of the greens on the back nine about 25 feet left of the hole. At this point, Wadkins said, “That’s exactly where you want to be putting from.”

Um, no. Exactly where you want to be putting from is one inch from the cup. Or less.

Then, to drive home the vacuity of his commentary, as that player lined up the putt, Wadkins completely contradicted himself, saying, “This is a very hard putt to read from here.” What? You said it was the place you wanted to be!

If anyone can fill in the details as to the hole and the player to which I refer above, please do so. I was too irritated to find a pen and paper.

Likewise, every time Wadkins gushes, “That’s a perfect shot” about an approach that rolls six feet past the pin or trickles back away from the hole, I literally scream at the TV, “It is not perfect! Perfect is IN THE HOLE, you twit!” (I really do. Ask my wife.)

Aside from Lanny the Commentary Guy, what a great Masters, huh? I bet Tiger makes a late charge to get into a playoff with Phil. Of course, if I were writing the script, it would be Freddie Couples recapitulating history.

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16 comments

§ Ron Mon® said on : 04/09/06 @ 17:58
OH MY FREAKING GOD! I am watching the final round, listening to him get so worked up about everything. Is he going through male menopause? This guy HAS to be banned from Augusta. His vocabulary is 21 words deep, and he does not know when to let the story tell the tale. He adds NOTHING to the telecast, and is incapable of saying less than fifty-five (more than double his vocabulary) words in an emotive sentence. Johnny Miller must be weeping.
§ Ron Mon® said on : 04/09/06 @ 18:18
It has been twenty-five minutes, I wrote a blog that piggy-backs/dove-tails on yours, and Lanny still spews nothing but hooey. I'm religiously trying to keep the four-letter vulgarities out of my comments, and it's difficult. Put Oosterhuis in the top seat next to Nantz, and relegate Wadkins to the par three competition.
§ Dave Marrandette said on : 04/10/06 @ 08:38
Ditto. Lanny is supposed to be providing "expert" commentary but can't find a sentence. On the other hand because there were so many players at the top by the time the last three or four groups got to the back CBS couldn't handle the coverage even with "limited commercial interruption."
§ Johnny Williams said on : 04/10/06 @ 11:01
If you were a real golfer instead of a writer/hacker you'd know exactly what Lanny means...
§ GolfproRH said on : 04/10/06 @ 11:15
Yes, Lanny is horrible! But Johnny Miller is far worse. At least we don't have to hear Lanny tell us how he shot 63 at Oakmont every 10 minutes.
§ Bob said on : 04/10/06 @ 11:18
The Big Three Now...

Get rid of him, along Johnny Miller and (thank God Venturi) is gone. Put all three in the booth for four hours there would not be anything positive said...

Only way to get it done, write Hootie, not the general public who witnessed Lanny screw it up....
§ Mike said on : 04/10/06 @ 15:46
Hey Johnny williams, when you find out what Lanny means, fill the rest of us in on it. He's terrible and he also has an irritating voice.Get rid of him. Just because he plays pro golf doesn't mean he can talk about it.
§ David said on : 04/10/06 @ 17:16
The BBC (British TV/radio/Internet/etc. corporation) have hired Gary Lineker--former England football captain and striker--to commentate for the Masters (at the time of writing, the Masters has been finished for a full day, but still..). I'm not sure whether he's got a permanent contract, but I do know that golf commentary is not where his future lies.

He isn't exactly an authority on golf. You can just tell he's reading off of a piece of paper. At one point he said,

"Let's see if Tiger can win his first major....[ten second delay, realises he's talking shit]....erm, when not coming from behind on the final day....[nice save, you moron]"

Get a clue, Gary.
§ Cindy said on : 04/10/06 @ 17:48
What's wrong with just a few "QUITE" moments at a golf tournament. Isn't that one reason we go play- to hear the birds see the changing scenery especially at The Masters.
What kills me are two things; one when someone hits a bad shot how they show what a bad swing it was, when if you framed it with video, you'll see only (if you can see anything) a different clubface position. And my second observation is how hard or critical these commentators are. Under PRESSURE the shots they hit are not as easy as they are day in and day out.
I'm glad I was THERE for two days
so I could experience the uneditorilized version!!!!
§ Bart said on : 04/11/06 @ 12:11
What about "Ball Striker"? How many times does he have to say Ball Striker? What about "Step Up"? How many times do we have to hear that? Doesn't anyone at CBS listen to this guy?
§ Kiel Christianson® said on : 04/11/06 @ 18:44
Johnny Williams--

I know what Lanny the Commentary Guy *meant*, but it's not what he *said*. And when you're getting paid to do commentary, saying what you mean in a clear and pleasant manner is important.

David--

That's hysterical! I wish I could have heard that guy myself.
§ Larry Dennis said on : 04/12/06 @ 18:16
Kiel Christianson is an idiot. Lanny is pretty good and getting better. If Kiel wants to criticize, he should take notest like any good reporter. Better yet, let's put him on the 18th tower and see how he does.
§ Kiel Christianson® said on : 04/13/06 @ 14:07
Larry, did I touch a nerve? Are you a cable guy?
Why have a "pretty good" guy covering the Masters when there are excellent guys out there?
§ DonM said on : 04/25/06 @ 00:16
I'm glad to hear someone else has noticed Lanny's inane blathering.
This weekend he was calling poor shots "unforced errors"! Maybe he thinks it's basketball. Maybe the pros have started playing defense in golf. The only worse job I ever heard was Brent Mussmouth. And even he got better as he learned a little about the game.
§ Mike said on : 05/22/06 @ 16:16
How about his poor grammer? He always says.....he hit it "solid" when the correct adverb is "solidly". Why in the world hasn't he been corrected?
§ Lester Hinson said on : 05/23/06 @ 05:11
Mike sez: "How about his poor grammer? ..."

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You gotta love the irony of someone who can't spell grammar correcting Wadkins' linguistic prowess. LOL