You can’t stop the rain. And you can’t help but give shots back around Amen Corner. And maybe you can’t even stop dopey phtographers clicking during your backswing.

But can someone please stop Lanny Wadkins? Perhaps no other announcer in the history of the game has begged for a headcover to be shoved into his yap more than Wadkins.

I haven’t been taking notes, I confess. So I cannot give a full account of all the irritating platitudes, truisms, and hollow chatter this man spews forth. But one series of comments sticks out in my mind. Yesterday at one point, a player hit one of the greens on the back nine about 25 feet left of the hole. At this point, Wadkins said, “That’s exactly where you want to be putting from.”

Um, no. Exactly where you want to be putting from is one inch from the cup. Or less.

Then, to drive home the vacuity of his commentary, as that player lined up the putt, Wadkins completely contradicted himself, saying, “This is a very hard putt to read from here.” What? You said it was the place you wanted to be!

If anyone can fill in the details as to the hole and the player to which I refer above, please do so. I was too irritated to find a pen and paper.

Likewise, every time Wadkins gushes, “That’s a perfect shot” about an approach that rolls six feet past the pin or trickles back away from the hole, I literally scream at the TV, “It is not perfect! Perfect is IN THE HOLE, you twit!” (I really do. Ask my wife.)

Aside from Lanny the Commentary Guy, what a great Masters, huh? I bet Tiger makes a late charge to get into a playoff with Phil. Of course, if I were writing the script, it would be Freddie Couples recapitulating history.

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