Our friends at PatentlyGolf.com pointed out to us a while ago that Acushnet – makers of Titleist and Pinnacle golf balls – received a patent in January, 2006 for a high-performance, limited flight golf ball.

Here’s the abstract of the patent:

“A high performance golf ball having a reduced overall distance while maintaining the appearance of a high performance trajectory. The golf ball includes a combination of low CoR core and cover materials coupled with a less aerodynamic dimple pattern that achieves a reduction in carry and overall distance of 15 and 25 yards versus a conventional golf ball, while still providing the look, sound, feel and apparent flight of a conventional golf ball. A high performance golf ball having a reduced distance is also achieved by controlling dimensionless coefficients of lift/weight and drag/weight at certain Reynolds numbers and spin ratios for various CoR.”

You can read through the entire patent application here, if you’re one of those engineering wonks. There are diagrams that look like the Death Star, which might be a draw for those of you without girlfriends. (Sorry for the cliché. I know, I know. Storm Troopers have more fun.)

As for me, I’ll just sit here and moan softly, rocking back and forth. You see, my swing has just been relocated, and today I cut a corner of a 418-yard par 4 and had about 60 yards to the green. I don’t want a limited flight ball, dammit.

Let’s hope that The Empire, er, um, I mean Acushnet, intends this insidious invention for those Jedi we all call Tour Pros. Please, leave us Ewoks alone.

Sheesh. Maybe I need a girlfriend … maybe one with a golden bikini … just don’t tell my wife.

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