The Tim Grinchem Who Stole My PGA Tour Season

Ask me how I’m enjoying the 2007 Mercedes Benz Championship.

Go ahead. Ask me.

I’M NOT, DAMMIT!

And I’m not happy about it.

See, I don’t get The Golf Channel. Oh, I could get it, but where I live, it’s only on digital cable, which would require me to perch an ugly black box on my sleek new flat-screen telly and wield a rented remote control the size of a young child’s forearm.

I don’t think Tim Grinchem realizes the potential damage he’s done to the popularity of the game by moving Thursday and Friday coverage, and some entire tournaments (like the Mercedes), off basic cable and/or the major networks.

Die-hard golf fans will still tune in, sure. But what about those folks just flipping through the channels? The folks who might catch a glimpse of Tiger or Phil or Adam Scott pulling off an inhuman shot and decide to keep watching, maybe even hit the links this weekend for a change? Or die-hard fans like me who would while away hours glued to the European Tour events on The Golf Channel before it went digital?

I’ve been publicly decrying that slap in the face since 2002.

I’d really like to know how many golf fans who do not currently subscribe to The Golf Channel are planning to get it this season. Maybe I’m just being stubborn and old-fashioned, insisting that the cornerstone of golf spectatorship remain the same as golf participation: public access.

But maybe, just maybe, it doesn’t matter how droll Nick Faldo is, or how unrelentingly hot Kelly Tilghman is, or how sophisticated The Golf Channel’s coverage is.

Maybe even avid fans will remember that there are plenty of other things to watch and do, and televised golf will be forgotten like televised NHL hockey since the ill-advised strike of 2004.

Since I won’t be watching golf this evening, thanks to Mr. Grinchem, maybe I’ll practice on my Who-Hooter until I can play “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinchem". I’ve already got a start on the lyrics:

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinchem.
You really are a stiff.
You’re as welcome as a slice,
Effective as a whiff.
Mr. Grinchem…

PGA Tour boss Tim Grinchem raises his dog-foot-gripped putter in victory after stealing my PGA Tour season.