I have to admit that I’m not, nor have I ever been, a Woody Austin fan. When pressed for the reason, I also have to admit rather shallow grounds:

He resembles a lunch lady who bedeviled me throughout elementary school.

And he wears such God-awful shirts when he plays. Even worse, it’s like he purposely chooses hats that don’t match his horrifically ugly shirts.

Maybe he dresses in the dark. Maybe he’s colorblind and he has asked someone to dress him who really, really hates him.

Imagine my surprise, then, when lo and behold, he of the Goodwill wardrobe appeared almost resplendent in his Presidents Cup garb – matching, fitted, color-coordinated garb. It was like seeing a chimp in a tuxedo.

So when Woody took his now infamous swim that that chilly Montreal pond”, and the rest of the world chuckled, I took note of how he emerged looking not nearly as wet as one would expect. And how he proceeded to drain three birdie putts en route to a thumping of Europe.

Today I discovered why Woody “Aquaman” Austin looked so calm and dry upon emerging from the depths: He was wearing official Presidents Cup rain gear made by Zero Restriction.

After the round, Austin commented, “It says something for those Gore-Texes—I really wasn’t that wet.”

I hope Woody wears this Zero Restriction outerwear more often next season, rain or not, just to cover up those hideous shirts.

Maybe he’ll actually learn the right name for the gear. And maybe I’ll even become a fan.

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