Certain Scots will tell you that St. Andrews may be the birthplace of golf, but the oldest extant links are in Edinburgh, at Musselburgh Old Links.

Still, with the immense historical import of Scotland’s second-largest city, including the castle, the universities, and the Royal Mile, Edinburgh is not only the second most-visited tourist city in Europe, it is also a fantastic starting point and ending point for golf vacations.

Or so I thought.

I arrived this morning in Edinburgh, with my wife and two kids in tow. On my way to golf at St. Andrews (including the yet-to-officially-open Castle Course) and in the highlands, I thought we’d spend a couple days edifying ourselves culturally in Scotland’s capital.

Our flight landed before we could check into our hotel, so we stowed our luggage and set off in search of a traditional Scots lunch. The last thing I wanted to do was give into my picky-eater children. I wanted them to at least try fish and chips, or bangers and mash, or knickers and codpiece. (Hold on, that was a shop I went into when the family was not around.)

Then some extremely un-European regulations interfered with our gustatory edification: We walked for an hour searching in vane for a pub or other establishment in which we could order a beer and a decent meal (beer for my saintly wife and me, decent meals all around). Alas, ’twas not to be.

It seems that pubs need a special license to allow children under 14 to enter, even with their parents. Every time we were turned away by a panic-stricken barmaid, we were directed to another establishment, only to be turned away again.

In fact, the only places available for families were horrid chain restaurants and even more horrid fast-food dumps like McDonalds, where, much to my disappointment, we eventually ended up. (There’s only so much tramping around in the rain a sleep-deprived four- and nine-year-old can do.)

Ironically, earlier in the day—actually, about 08:00 in the Manchester Airport, – my wife was surprised to see men drinking beer at the airport pub. I believe my answer was, “God bless Europe, where adults are treated like adults.”

But apparently parents cannot be treated like adults in Edinburgh. Even in the blue-law-ridden U.S., most states allow kids in bars/pubs, as long as food is served, at least before the evening rush. Not in Edinburgh.

No wonder we saw very few families with young children walking around today, except parading into and out of crappy restaurants.

Bottom line: If you’re with “the guys,” Edinburgh is your oyster (or oyster ‘n’ chips). But if you happen to be accompanied by children, enjoy your cheeseburger.

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