Aug 14

Enough with the beach volleyball already! (A mandatory Olympics blog)

Until today, I had endeavored mightily to avoid writing anything about an already over-hyped 2008 Summer Olympics”, but my dwindling patience have been finally ripped asunder. And I must beg, of all that is holy (and even the unholy programmers at NBC):

Please, PLEASE – Enough with the beach volleyball already! How many freaking matches of this completely contrived abomination of an Olympic “sport” do we really need to see?!?

Every night I come home (or morning when I take my daughter to the orthodontist, or afternoon writing articles at sports bars), hoping to see some true Olympic sport like Greco-Roman wrestling or shooting or judo or weight-lifting or badminton – hell, any event that is not merely a variation of a real, already well-represented sport.

But no, there, again, on my TV are gritty men and women in skimpy swimwear flopping around in the sand, looking for all the world like jocks on spring break, and absolutely nothing like Olympians.

I realize the U.S. is dominant in this “sport,” but give it a rest already. How about some variety, oh ye sports geniuses who brought us the XFL?

And, for that matter, how about a real sport? Seriously, this is the final year for baseball and softball – two sports played throughout Central America, the Caribbean, and Asia (not the mention the U.S. and Canada) – but it’s deemed not international enough to be included in the games next time around.

Instead, we have beach volleyball. Really? A crude variation of a true sport but somehow different simply because of the number of players and the surface upon which it’s played?

Well, then, let’s include street hockey, stickball, and indoor soccer.

Better yet, if, as I suspect, the real reason this monstrosity of a game is not only included in the Olympic pantheon but also televised relentlessly has to do with the supposed sex-appeal of the players, let’s include Jello-wrestling. Maybe mixed-doubles nude Jello-wrestling, even.

That ought to jack up the ratings, don’t you think, NBC?

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11 comments

§ MTS said on : 08/14/08 @ 13:32
That's a laugh, coming from someone who, no doubt, considers golf to be a sport (yeah, just like curling). Try covering half a volleyball court by yourself. Now try it in the sand (you can't use a golf cart, either). Let us know when you recover.
§ Brandon Tucker® said on : 08/14/08 @ 14:03
Volleyball is better TV than a lot of the Olympic sports, whether the teams giggle and pinch each other or not.
§ Tito said on : 08/14/08 @ 15:20
What a dweeb....I could do without men's beach volleyball but women's beach volleyball is one of the few salvations of the Olympics. He tries to talk up judo and greco roman wrestling to make you think he's a tough guy.....go have fun carrying your bag of sticks around...
§ Kiel Christianson® said on : 08/14/08 @ 15:22
a) I've played plenty of beach volleyball, actually. On spring break, where it belongs. Not saying it's not hard. Breaking horses is hard (which I've also done), as is bailing hay and breaking concrete in 100+ degree heat all day (which I've also done plenty of). But those are not Olympic pursuits, either.

b) Maybe it is better TV--but enough alreay. It is NOT good enough to air every stinking night/morning/afternoon.
§ Alex said on : 08/14/08 @ 15:57
Kiel,

I don't agree with you very often, but you're right on the money with your opinion of this travesty.

Next, they'll try to get surfing and motocross as legitimate sports.

Alex USMC 1969-73
§ Sam said on : 08/14/08 @ 20:38
Beach volleyball? puh-lease?!

At least the women look like the perky girls I might have hired as au pairs when the children from my first family were youngsters, with some enthusiasm and personality---but the men look like the guys who come to repair my roof and are almost as inarticulate and just about as scarey. Yikes.

I'd seek out the crew leader of the mens beach volleyball team to offer them their pitcher of lemonade---no eye contact, icky sunglasses, inarticulate mumblings, etc. Medals? For standing around looking bored and ticked off?

Once again, I don't get it
§ Judge Smails said on : 08/14/08 @ 23:46
Kiel,

I agree with you on this one as well. It's really a symptom of the increasing superficiality of our culture, which causes us to attach importance to the silliest things. Of course, I think the Olympics is pretty ridiculous to begin with.
§ Allen said on : 08/15/08 @ 00:08
Couldn't agree with you more! Hey, 1 night, fine, but every friggin evening when there are so many other compelling sporting events. Hey, NBC, let's try to broadcast something live too, this taped delay of Phelps to maximize your audience is pathetic. Give me live CBC coverage anytime.
§ Katherine said on : 08/15/08 @ 08:51
You might've played Beach Volleyball, but have you played Indoor? They're very different sports and have different requirements as far as athletic ability goes.

And may I just point out that in China they're playing high speed matches in 90 degree weather. You'd have to be superhuman to get through and win.

I prefer indoor, but professional Beach volleyball is pretty amazing as well. And Allen, stay up from ten pm to one in the morning and you'll see live coverage. Not that hard.
§ Bryan Hanney said on : 08/15/08 @ 22:48
Do you realize how much effort it takes to win the gold in beach volleyball? Not one swim of 100 or 200 meters but hours in the elements and sand facing off against an actual competitor and you can only win one medal. Walsh and may are the best team of all sports for the U S in the Olympics. And just look at the behind on that girl. You wish your wife looked like that.
§ Judge Smails said on : 08/16/08 @ 15:02
Bryan,

Lots of endeavors require immense effort. I would assert that becoming an accomplished Ironman competitor or ballerina requires even more effort, but that doesn't mean I'm interested in watching such people.