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Useful phrases for LPGA players studying English

Thursday August 28, 2008 | 18:01:25 534 words, 16118 views
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According to LPGA Commissioner Bivens, the recently-announced mandate that all players learn English within two years of joining the tour is intended to ensure that players can better interact with sponsors and media.

As a former English as a foreign/second language teacher myself, and someone who for a couple of decades was fairly conversant in six or seven languages (use it or lose it), I know full well that learning a foreign language as an adult is difficult, especially when the bulk of one’s time is spent alone or with a fellow countryman(woman) on a golf course.

I also know that American athletes playing professional sports in other countries (say, baseball in Japan, or basketball in Turkey) are not likewise compelled to learn those languages. This mandate thus seems a bit heavy-handed and one-sided.

Nevertheless, as a public service, I offer the following useful phrases for LPGA players who may need to start studying.

First, let’s start with phrases useful in media interviews. I’ve attended a lot of these over the years, and considering the inanity of most of the questions, the following 12 should go a long way:

1) No, I did not notice how nice Natalie Gulbis’s legs looked today.

2) No, I do not think Paula Creamer would go out with you.

3) No, I haven’t given much thought to the state of Michelle Wie’s game.

4) No, I haven’t played with Tiger Woods.

5) I hit a nine-iron (eight-iron, seven-iron, six-iron, etc.) there.

6) No, I won’t go out with you, either.

7) The course is in great shape.

8) The gallery is really great.

9) This tournament is one of my favorites.

10) I made some really good (poor) swings today.

11) Yes, of course I’m disappointed.

12) Yes, of course this win means very much to me.

Now, on to tournament pro-ams. More variability here, but having walked around courses during several of these, I think the following will be a solid foundation. Of course, there are plenty of PGA Tour and Champions Tour players who don’t say a damn thing to their pro-am partners beyond a handshake and a “Nice to meet you” at the first tee and a “It’s been fun” at the 18th. And I don’t see anyone suggesting etiquette classes for these anti-social grumps. Anyway, here we go:

1) Hit another one.

2) Take a mulligan.

3) That’s gone.

4) That’s wet.

5) Maybe you should play the forward tees.

6) Trust me, I don’t think any less of your manliness when I out-drive you.

7) Cute top! (To female playing partners)

8) Nice shoes! (Either gender)

9) That’s going to break right (left).

10) The other right (left).

11) Yes (No), I do (don’t) like sushi.

12) No, I did not notice how nice Natalie Gulbis’s legs looked today.

13) No, I do not think Paula Creamer would go out with you.

14) No, I haven’t given much thought to the state of Michelle Wie’s game.

15) No, I haven’t played with Tiger Woods.

16) No, I won’t go out with you, either.

Suggestions from readers are very welcome. Let’s all chip in to help out the LPGA players who have been so roughly handled by the ham-hands of Commissioner Bivens.

And speaking of Bivens, I have one English word she might find useful in the future:

1) Please.


Comments:

Comment from: The Golfaholic [Visitor] Email · http://www.thegolfaholic.com
Are you sure you weren't looking at Natalie Gulbis’s legs? I know I would have.
Permalink 08/28/08 @ 19:37
Comment from: PUTT3R CW [Visitor] · http://www.putt3r.com
Yes, I really enjoyed being forced to learn English.
Permalink 08/28/08 @ 19:40
Comment from: Brandon Tucker [Member] Email · http://www.worldgolf.com/blogs/brandon.tucker
F-ing Brilliant!!!
Permalink 08/28/08 @ 20:34
Comment from: Ron Mon [Member] Email · http://www.buffalogolfer.com
Sushi? They're Korean...try Kim-Chi. For Bivens, how about a big girl's phrase..."What do you think?"
Permalink 08/28/08 @ 20:40
Comment from: Paul C [Visitor] Email
Well, do you think Paula at least likes me? Cuz golly, I sure like her. Maybe I can talk to her at the hop tonight!
Permalink 08/28/08 @ 20:43
Comment from: Kiel Christianson [Member] Email · http://www.travelgolf.com/departments/authorarchives/christianson.htm
Yes, Ron, I know. That's why the "not" option is there, along with the "do like," as there is a ton of sushi in Korea--in fact some of the best I've ever eaten--it's just not called that. But since Americans (a) generally don't know the difference between Asian cuisines, and (b) don't know the Korean word for raw fish...sigh, it's just not worth walking you through it...
Permalink 08/28/08 @ 22:01
Comment from: Ron Mon [Member] Email · http://www.buffalogolfer.com
oh but it is worth walking me through it...don't lose faith in the unwashed and ignorant masses.
Permalink 08/28/08 @ 22:20
Comment from: Donald Ritter [Visitor]
"I don't even know why I bother - have you seen the value of the dollar lately!?"
Permalink 08/29/08 @ 05:41
Comment from: Daryl Pantley [Visitor]
Here's one: "Ever read Ron Mon's blog? What an idiot!"
Permalink 08/29/08 @ 05:42
Comment from: Kiel Christianson [Member] Email · http://www.travelgolf.com/departments/authorarchives/christianson.htm
Donald--That's priceless!
Ron--Just shower, you'll be fine.
Permalink 08/29/08 @ 09:53
Comment from: Tim McDonald [Member] Email
Hilarious
Permalink 08/29/08 @ 10:12
Comment from: Stacy [Visitor] Email · http://www.worldgolf.com/blogs/golf-for-beginners
Here's a useful phrase:

¸ñ¿åÅÁÀº ¾îµð¿¡ Àִ°¡?

(Where is the bathroom?)

--------------------------------
(Translated from Korean to English using Yahoo Babelfish.
Permalink 08/29/08 @ 10:43
Comment from: Stacy [Visitor] Email · http://www.worldgolf.com/blogs/golf-for-beginners
Sorry, the above didn't translate correctly but you can find it yourself here:

http://babelfish.yahoo.com/translate_txt
Permalink 08/29/08 @ 10:44
Comment from: BV [Visitor]
Here's one for ya:

"Whenever *I* can't sleep - I read Kiel Christianson's blogs...and I'm out like a light"

Permalink 08/29/08 @ 12:53
Comment from: Shanks [Member] Email · http://www.travelgolf.com/blogs/shanks
Reminds me of the old Get Smart bit "No, not Craw. CRAW!"
Permalink 08/29/08 @ 14:23
Comment from: Jim C [Visitor] Email
Where is the loo?

We are talking about requiring players to speak English not American, aren't we?
Permalink 08/29/08 @ 15:30
Comment from: William K. Wolfrum [Visitor] Email · http://www.worldgolf.com/blogs/william.wolfrum
Stellar stuff, Kiel.
Permalink 08/30/08 @ 22:51
Comment from: Tim McDonald [Member] Email
Do British males use the term "loo" or is it just the females?

Just curious...
Permalink 08/31/08 @ 08:05
Comment from: Judge Smails [Visitor] Email
Tim,

I didn't know there was a perceptible difference between British males and females.
Permalink 09/03/08 @ 13:27
Comment from: Oui Oui Oui [Visitor] Email
More phrases for the foreign players to learn:

- Don't touch me
- No, I am not going out with you
- Leave me alone
- No, you can not have my #s
- No, we don't eat dogs
- Sorry, I don't know XYZ in Korea
- My parents don't own a convenience store
Permalink 09/04/08 @ 08:25
Comment from: BV [Visitor]
Judge, I'm rolling at that comment...it's SO TRUE! ;)

oui oui - Need to add one to your list:

"Yes, we eat dogs! The ones with the brown fur are the crispiest...wanna taste?"
Permalink 09/04/08 @ 13:15
Comment from: Brandon Tucker [Member] Email · http://www.worldgolf.com/blogs/brandon.tucker
I'm convinced today's decision to reverse the ruling by the LPGA had something to do with Kiel's post.
Permalink 09/05/08 @ 15:57

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