Those of you who have been to the PGA Merchandise Show & Convention know what kind of flatulent hooey some of the exhibitors spew. Some of the sales pitches you’ll hear - even from respected companies - are straight off a carnival midway. Walking by an exhibitor’s display, you’re likely to hear: “These new irons will have you hitting the ball 17.4% farther,” (note: they always use a number like this, more believable than, say 10%) “with 21.1% greater accuracy and 32.7% more spin. You’ll score lower GUARANTEED!” Much of what you’ll hear walking around the show floor sounds like something out of Tom Waits’ song “Step Right Up":

That’s right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,
Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that’s been at large
under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it’s only a dollar, step right up, it’s only a dollar, step right up …”

Now if you’re looking for straight talk about what gear is best for your game, you want to ask an expert who’s not trying to sell you his latest widget.

Down in Orlando, at the PGA Merchandise Show, PGA members working the USA Today/PGA.com Equipment Hotline are answering golfers’ questions about equipment via phone (800-872-8635) or online. You’re going to get a much straighter answer on what sort of gear fits your game from an unbiased source like these folks than you ever would out on the show floor.

Of course you’re not going to get a definitive answer as to what clubs are best for you over the phone or modem; for that, ask your local pro. But you will get some educated guidance. Certainly worth the cost - nada.

And speaking of golf gear gurus, our own Kiel Christianson knows as much anyone. He’s on a tear of late, blogging on hybrids from Nike and DeLaCruz Golf, Adams Golf’s Redline RPM fairway woods, the Nike SasQuatch driver and more.