Rebutting the rebuttal

I truly enjoyed Chris Baldwin’s response to the laundry list of people that dry heave at every word of his putrid dribble. In fact, he managed to waste readers’ time by filling his entire post with rebuttal — no more.

But because my hypocrisy knows no bounds, I’m about to do the same.

As usual, Baldwin swung and missed. It is yet another chapter in his apparently unending saga of only reading and responding to what he wants to see, rather than what’s actually there.

Yet again, I say, Tiger may very well end his career as the best player ever, and I will be the first to concede that is extremely possible. However, he has to show me more than a closing 37 with bogeys on 17 and 18 to drag his playing partner into a playoff. That and that alone is evidence substantial enough to conclude that he was not “as dominant as ever.” He is undoubtedly great. The greatest? That remains to be seen.

I never tire of the golf goobers that readily ejaculate “a day for the ages” or “a shot for the history books” just because — in all their nitwittedness — they saw something that might have been, at best, neat. Golf has far too much beautiful, storied history to be re-written by a few bloggers that fondled themselves to a fortunate chip-in.

And as for Mickelson, he was a non-factor at Augusta this year — no more, no less. But retreating into hyperbole out of a desire for reaction (although it obviously worked) will mainly end in Baldwin digesting his exaggerated claptrap. Mickelson will win more than one Major. That’s just plain stupid. (I await the “people’s choker” and “gag reflex” comebacks. Those are as original — and as funny — as Dat Phan’s act, AKA his Margaret Cho impersonation.)

Finally, as for the dinner story, we all know that’s fabricated. Daniel would never waste food. If Daniel Baldwin saw a dinner roll fly across the room, he would bound into the air and catch it in his mouth like a starving porpoise at Sea World. He would then conclude the evening by complaining about something somewhere, and possibly tearing up.

And Mensa called. They want Baldwin to stop using their name. The connection was bad. I couldn’t really understand. But I know I caught the word defecating at least twice.