On Wednesday evening, the 3rd of August, John Daly put aside his barrel and tightrope, and instead took up a golf club, attempting to become the first human to drive the Niagara gorge. In the past, daredevils have ridden the waters of the Horseshoe/Canadian falls (the Niagara is death, with rocks below) within and without barrels, with varying degrees of success. Others would stretch a tightrope from side to side and walk above the churning Niagara, again with varying degrees of success.

What Long John did was tee up 20 Locos at Table Rock, on the Canadian side of the gorge, and aim for a tee at Terrapin Point, some 340 carry yards away on the U.S. side. With swirling winds that put the vespers of Amen Corner to shame, mists that threatened to impede the progress of the missils he calls drives, the living legend smiled and aimed eastward. When the second ball crashed into the base of the gorge wall, hopes were high for success.

Why is someone trying to drive the gorge? It’s not on anyone’s “to do” list, after all. Food, shelter, and relationships usually rank higher. It turns out that Mr. Hooters McLoco has been working with Bo Danoff on a championship golf course located about a mile from the brink of the falls. Thundering Waters Golf Club is slated to host the Canadian Tour Championship from September 12th-18th, then open to the public the following day. After doing countless interviews and hosting a golf cart parade for charity, the Lion took a crack at Mother Nature’s ditch, televised live on TSN (Toronto Sports Network.) And guess what, Bentley Wright was flown in to do commentary! It was a win-win, no matter the outcome.

Golf balls 3-20 met the same fate as the first two. It was an unromantic honeymoon for ten pairs of Locos, coming to rest somewhere along the trail of the Maid of the Mist. Everyone in attendance, however, had a grand time, as Daly kept the crowd excited with various whoops, jokes, and free hats. It became clear that he, and not the carry, was the main event. After all, if the goal is to clear the gorge, bring in Pavlet, Fister, Zuback, Wilson, and their cohorts from the Long Drive Tour with their hopped-up shafts and balls, their 6′4″ former-javelin-throwers, and their smoking golf balls. They’ll clear the brink with yards to spare. I’m looking forward to playing his golf course, which includes a 661-yard monstrosity.

If Daly had been hitting Pro V’s, I’d have gone in after them.

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