Aug 17

Who is this Cheap Bastard?

I’ve had enough. Seven blogs in three days, none of them more than a paragraph long. He has faster fingers than RonMon. Wandering the beaches my ass. More like wandering the web. Who is this Cheap Bastard? He’s not Fat Bastard, that’s for sure. He looks like that Osbourne kid. Give us something of substance, you cheap, dashing bastard! Don’t tell us that Costa Rica has beautiful girls and great coffee. We know that. Tell us about the burgeoning golf industry there, about how the American dads won’t do eco tourism, but they will do golf (and leave the eco tourism to the wife and kids.) Grande Pines gives you a great rate if you join the Marriott Vacation Club? They’d better. Time shares are a great investment, but not just to shave a few bucks off your greens fees.

Oh, I’m on to you, you cheap, Nova-driving, beach-wandering, dashing, internet-comping, size 32-wearing bastard! I’m calling you out. Give us something more than tips. Give us style, substance, something profound in golf travel. I need some water. Somebody, please, anybody??

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5 comments

Comment from: El Bastardo The Great [Visitor]

It gives the Cheap Bastard a warm feeling to know that Ron Mon is allowed to have a blog here -- it's so much better than his previous job, where he worked at a toothpick factory as a model for new designs.

But really Ron, I give you an amazing deal to Costa Rica (five nights, six days in a luxury hotel plus three rounds of golf), and you're upset that I forgot to mention that U.S. golfers probably won't care about the monkeys?

Or how about a full day of golf for $29.95. You even get a free lunch out of the deal. I know the concept of lunch is mysterious to you, Mon-ster, but I think it's something you should try. At very least it'll get Bob Geldof to stop trying to promote a concert for you.

-- Cheap Bastard

08/18/05 @ 11:00

Comment from: Ron Mon [Member]

I could only wish that Geldof would find a reason to host a benefit for me. I could then afford those purportedly "amazing" deals that the Bastard (or as they say in Costa Rica, El Bastardo) tries to pass off as spectacular. Whatever your thing is with monkeys, leave me out of it. As far as lunch goes, it's breakfast that I skip, so get your facts straight. Jeez, Bastard. I just want to know how we're going to get to Tampa Bay. How about a cheap viaje, you bastardo, you?

08/18/05 @ 13:55

Comment from: Tim McDonald [Member]

Dude, what is wrong with you? You want profound, go read a book.

You want cheap golf, go to the Cheap Bastard. Yeah he looks like a Type B serial killer, but who cares? This guy's got the goods.

30 bucks for golf AND lunch? At a REAL course? Find me a better deal, Mon.

"Mon," what are you, from Jamaica?

08/18/05 @ 14:26

Comment from: Ron Mon [Member]

Old McDonald had a farm ... come on, everybody, let's sing! What exactly are "the goods" that el bastardo tacano has? Did he rob a bank to buy the Vega? Knock over a liquor store? Are you going to go where he says, just for the golf? If so, booyah. Since that's not enough to lure most people away, the parent-less one has to give us more.

08/18/05 @ 15:02

Comment from: El Bastardo The Great [Visitor]

The Cheap Bastard's ears are burning. Either someone is talking about ... no, wait, I have my head in the microwave again.

Now Tim, I have deepfelt pains in my generous, loving heart that you would compare me to a serial killer. Unfortunately, the court does not allow me to speak of this any further.

Now Ron, don't you worry your pretty, little, miniscule, Nano-technological head over where my money comes from. I've been "trusted" with a little cash is all I have to say. Hint hint. Nudge nudge.

And also, my dear, syllably challenged friend, don't fret about Budget Golfer. El Bastardo has some amazing things still up his oversized sleeves.

-- Cheap Bastard

08/18/05 @ 16:04

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