Slow Play is the natural evolution of the game
Here are some reasons why I support slow play in golf. Feel free to roast my arse on a spit over hot coals.
1. They charge us enough, so we should enjoy the darned course.
2. I paid enough for these clubs, so I might as well enjoy hitting them often.
3. Kids need to pay for things by finding my lost golf balls and selling them back to me.
4. If my boss is climbing up my behind all week long, I deserve a chance to be master or mistress of my domain for a few hours in the afternoon or on the weekend.
5. This is the local publinks four-ball, gracious! My reason for being depends on how I finish.
6. We are each playing our own ball. Don’t give me that British crap about 2.5 or 3 hour rounds. They’re playing foursomes, for the queen’s sake!
7. They built a course with 240 yard carries to the fairway, bunkers taller than albino mammoths, and greens more undulating than roller-coaster tracks. How do they expect us mortal golfers to play them?
8. The only allowable anger generated in golf is at my own self. I grew up playing contact sports, for the mayor’s sake. If I could just hit someone and unload, I’d move along at a faster clip.
9. All the Zen books on golf are telling us to forgive our less-than-perfect passes at the ball. Can’t you forgive me my imperfections: slicing one, schlaffing the second, shanking the third, and whiffing the fourth?
10. Since when do contemplation, meditation, and speed go hand in hand? Freakin’ Shivas Irons and Bagger Vance never talk about slow or quick play … they’re always trying to get their lads to slow the truck down and center themselves.
11. The golf cart won’t go any faster unless I stick a tee in the governor.
Corollary to #1. They set four-minute gaps between tee times (otherwise known as ‘when they hit the two-hundred marker, FIRE!’) so there are more floggers on this goat track than blades of grass. Even if we play through the clowns ahead of us, where will we go then?
All you smarmy “ready golf” zombies can go suck an egg. Chill your monkey ’steriors and enjoy the sites of the course, the sounds of your playing partners (flatulence excluded, or at the very least, flagged for unsportsmanlike behavior, unless it registers on the Richter scale, in which case it should be celebrated) and enjoy golf as the leisure-time activity it has grown to be. You want speed? Run the course at 6 am with a 6-iron and one ball.
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Get up there and hit the ball!
Work out your preshow game before hitting the course.
The longer you take to fart around with each shot (Ron, you brought up the subject of flatulence), the longer you will continue to take. Golf has zen, and if you take too much time thinking about it, you're just going to top/pull/slice/skull/whatever...
That's for your own benefit.
And for the benefit of others, if you want to play slow, you change your time and play when it's uncrowded.
Jeez, Under Par, even the white ones! You MUST be mad about this!
Ron, you're killin me!
Whether my tongue is firmly planted in cheek or not is irrelevant. Using the Baldwin philosophy, I chose to examine the other side of what seems to be a blatantly, one-sided issue. Funny thing is, when you tip-toe on the forbidden side, you often uncover some interesting truths.
I'll have to rain on your little relativistic parade. Some issues are supposed to be one-sided. Genocide? No, it's not something that's supposed to get its day in court.
I do walk and I do play mostly off hours golf. At this point, the only time I will play is if I'm in the first group off the tee in the morning or it's a basically empty course later in the afternoon.
What's funny is that someone thinks that a three hour round is 'rushed'. I can play with a foursome, play at an unrushed pace, have plenty of time to talk, enjoy the views on the course and have a great time. I just don't choose to do all of those things WHEN IT'S MY TURN TO SWING. The idiots who have come to assume golf should be a 4-1/2 hour experience are killing golf.
Enjoy your slow play and have a great time watching the grass grow while you shoot the breeze with your grossly overweight buddy as he plumb-bobs his putt for an 8 from above and below the hole before missing it and then saying it was a gimme.
Your accusation about the abusive and excessive plumb-bob is not reason enough to create more than a 4-hour round. When you say professional help, I assume that you are insinuating that my golf swing is not sound enough.
If you take a chance to step back and read your final three paragraphs above, you should sense a man on the edge. By employing "the only time," you come across as antisocial; by calling people "idiots," you paint yourself as confrontational; by presuming that my buddy is "grossly overweight," your prejudice against the oedipose-challenged becomes public.
I hope that you keep reading and keep commenting, and that you, too, seek professional golf help if needed.
The trouble is there seem to be fewer and fewer of these respectful people on the course every day. Which is why I play very little golf anymore. Which means I won't be pumping any more cash into equipment, clothes, greens fees, golf trips, etc. anymore. The fact that I'm not alone in this feeling is exactly why the golf industry is hurting so bad and rounds are down across the entire country. And it's only going to get worse, as there are far more enjoyable ways for young people to spend their day than standing 200 yards behind four old guys standing next to one ball in the fairway trying to decide whether they should use a 7 wood or a 9 wood for their approach.
The management of my club, like others, is doing everything they can to attract younger members and is scratching their heads about why they can't. Of course, when I come into the pro shop at the turn and bitch about the Yamamoto foursome that just took 25 minutes to play the 375 yard par 4 ninth, I get blank stares. Ya think they might be connected?
That is easily the best comment I've seen in the months that I've been blogging here. It used to drive me nuts when slow play happened (back in my 20s and early 30s.) I realized that most of my anger stemmed from an inability to accept that I would never play any tour of any kind.
I have never belonged to a club, and I can only assume that yours is private. If I belonged to a private club where slow play took place, I would resign my membership. I am fortunate to have a great number of public-access, upscale courses in western New York and southern Ontario from which to choose. As we are in the rust belt, I can play all of them for less than $40 during off hours. Folks in upstate NY and the Niagara region are quite amicable, for the most part, and don't mind if someone plays through.
I've often thought of a new type of golf course, for the younger at heart, and I will write a blog today. Perhaps it will have some good points. Thanks again for commenting. I'm pretty certain that those slow, chubby idiots have thick skins, and won't take offense.
Your somewhat snide remark about there not being any equivalency between genocide and slow play is great rhetoric but poor logic. Of course they're not in the same league in terms of egregiousness, but that's not the point. Your comments were emblematic of the relativistic spirit of the age, a spirit that recognizes no absolutes and sees only shades of gray. However, I do realize that you're motivated largely by the desire to create controversy and attract attention. Thus, insofar as this goes, I won't throw pearls . . .
Rest assured, though, kiddo, I've got your number completely.
You are on the mark. It is a conspiracy, and the economy drives the maquina. In western New York, some ten to fifteen groups got the bright idea in the late nineties that too many years had passed without the building of a quality golf course. Now, in 2006, we have two of them on hold (deeply in debt) three others completely open, one set to open this year, and another set to open its second nine in 2006. An eighth has twelve holes open, with the promise of two to three more per year for the next three years. Others are on the drawing board still. The best story is the most successful of them all went private this year, in an era when private clubs in the region are begging for memberships.
Is it any wonder that they cram them in? You get the thing opened, in the hole, so you'll push as many around as you can.
"In matters of truth the fact that you don't want to publish something is, nine times out of ten, a proof that you ought to publish it."
Therefore, Under Par, onward.
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