Jan
24
Slow Play is the natural evolution of the game
Here are some reasons why I support slow play in golf. Feel free to roast my arse on a spit over hot coals.
1. They charge us enough, so we should enjoy the darned course.
2. I paid enough for these clubs, so I might as well enjoy hitting them often.
3. Kids need to pay for things by finding my lost golf balls and selling them back to me.
4. If my boss is climbing up my behind all week long, I deserve a chance to be master or mistress of my domain for a few hours in the afternoon or on the weekend.
5. This is the local publinks four-ball, gracious! My reason for being depends on how I finish.
6. We are each playing our own ball. Don’t give me that British crap about 2.5 or 3 hour rounds. They’re playing foursomes, for the queen’s sake!
7. They built a course with 240 yard carries to the fairway, bunkers taller than albino mammoths, and greens more undulating than roller-coaster tracks. How do they expect us mortal golfers to play them?
8. The only allowable anger generated in golf is at my own self. I grew up playing contact sports, for the mayor’s sake. If I could just hit someone and unload, I’d move along at a faster clip.
9. All the Zen books on golf are telling us to forgive our less-than-perfect passes at the ball. Can’t you forgive me my imperfections: slicing one, schlaffing the second, shanking the third, and whiffing the fourth?
10. Since when do contemplation, meditation, and speed go hand in hand? Freakin’ Shivas Irons and Bagger Vance never talk about slow or quick play … they’re always trying to get their lads to slow the truck down and center themselves.
11. The golf cart won’t go any faster unless I stick a tee in the governor.
Corollary to #1. They set four-minute gaps between tee times (otherwise known as ‘when they hit the two-hundred marker, FIRE!’) so there are more floggers on this goat track than blades of grass. Even if we play through the clowns ahead of us, where will we go then?
All you smarmy “ready golf” zombies can go suck an egg. Chill your monkey ’steriors and enjoy the sites of the course, the sounds of your playing partners (flatulence excluded, or at the very least, flagged for unsportsmanlike behavior, unless it registers on the Richter scale, in which case it should be celebrated) and enjoy golf as the leisure-time activity it has grown to be. You want speed? Run the course at 6 am with a 6-iron and one ball.
| « Sean Cochran, PGA Show, San Diego, Champs Tour, and Thor's Golf Links | Alphabet Soup: Superman, Kryptonite, Pat Perez, Bob Hope Celebrity Classic » |
22 comments
Comment from: Arnie [Visitor]
Oh god, please don't post again. Slow play is killing golf. I'm a 10 handicap and I recently decided to sell my club membership and all but give up the game because I'm tired of 5 hour rounds of golf. It's not just the fact that I'm having to spend so much time at course for the few moments of enjoyment I'm ACTUALLY PLAYING THE GAME, but it's also having to deal with the total lack of respect slow players have for the other people on the course. And this has nothing to do with skill level. You can shoot a 120 just about as quick as an 80, if you play ready golf. Nothing raises my ire more than seeing people playing tournament style golf on a packed course on Saturday. Or better yet, a 30 handicapper spending 5 minutes looking for his 50 cent Top Flite so he can shoot a 105 instead of a 106. Play ready golf, and drop a ball quickly if you can't find your ball. I can play a round of golf alone in 90 minutes, and can get a nice, unhurried round in with 2-3 other people in 3 hours. As long as we don't come upon slow players.
01/25/06 @ 13:17
Play at a different time. I don't want to read your whiny comments. If you want to play so quickly as to be antisocial, go out early in the morning or late at night.
01/25/06 @ 16:09
Comment from: Bob [Visitor]
Go for it Ron Mon!!!! Do you go to a nice restaurant and see how fast you can eat the $30 entree? Golf is meant to be enjoyed and savored like a fine meal. All those cart jockeys should go find a go kart track and try to set the course record.
01/25/06 @ 18:56
Bob, shame on you! These guys walk, in order to preserve the pristine nature of the "auld game." They would never consider taking a cart. If a caddie is available, then they will take the caddie, but never, ever, will they take a cart.
01/25/06 @ 19:44
Comment from: Blazer [Visitor]
Arnie makes a lot sense to me. Slow play is one of the worst things, etiquette wise, a player can do. It's so tiring to see players who shoot 110 go through a lengthy preshot routine only to top the ball 20 yards.
Get up there and hit the ball!
Get up there and hit the ball!
01/26/06 @ 07:37
Comment from: Under Par [Visitor]
How does it enhance enjoyment of the game when you roll up to a par three and find two groups ahead of you on the tee? If I were running the world, these inconsiderate bums would be thrown out on their keisters.
01/26/06 @ 10:16
Comment from: Mary [Visitor]
Golf is meant to be savored, and enjoyed at a proper pace, but 5 hours is ridiculous. My husband and I, neither of whom is looking to break 100 anytime in the immediate future, can walk 18 while admiring the view, loose and find a ball or two, and take a few extra mulligans, and still finish in 3 hours. A foursome should be able to do the same in four.
Work out your preshow game before hitting the course.
The longer you take to fart around with each shot (Ron, you brought up the subject of flatulence), the longer you will continue to take. Golf has zen, and if you take too much time thinking about it, you're just going to top/pull/slice/skull/whatever...
That's for your own benefit.
And for the benefit of others, if you want to play slow, you change your time and play when it's uncrowded.
Work out your preshow game before hitting the course.
The longer you take to fart around with each shot (Ron, you brought up the subject of flatulence), the longer you will continue to take. Golf has zen, and if you take too much time thinking about it, you're just going to top/pull/slice/skull/whatever...
That's for your own benefit.
And for the benefit of others, if you want to play slow, you change your time and play when it's uncrowded.
01/26/06 @ 10:16
Comment from: Lester Hinson [Visitor]
Under Par: "If I were running the world, these inconsiderate bums would be thrown out on their keisters."
------------------
Jeez, Under Par, even the white ones! You MUST be mad about this!
------------------
Jeez, Under Par, even the white ones! You MUST be mad about this!
01/26/06 @ 11:04
Am I reading you right? Are you actually encouraging slow play? Great idea, why don't you encourage drivers to cut you off and slam on the brakes. Hey, I have an idea; why don't you scratch your nails down a black board. Better yet, get within six inches of my face while your talking and make sure you spit while speaking. Why don't you play someone else's ball if it lands in your fairway? If I am putting and you are on the tees close by, make sure you curse as loudly as possible right before my putter touches the ball.
Ron, you're killin me!
Ron, you're killin me!
01/26/06 @ 17:08
Don't die, David.
Whether my tongue is firmly planted in cheek or not is irrelevant. Using the Baldwin philosophy, I chose to examine the other side of what seems to be a blatantly, one-sided issue. Funny thing is, when you tip-toe on the forbidden side, you often uncover some interesting truths.
Whether my tongue is firmly planted in cheek or not is irrelevant. Using the Baldwin philosophy, I chose to examine the other side of what seems to be a blatantly, one-sided issue. Funny thing is, when you tip-toe on the forbidden side, you often uncover some interesting truths.
01/26/06 @ 20:16
Comment from: Under Par [Visitor]
Ron,
I'll have to rain on your little relativistic parade. Some issues are supposed to be one-sided. Genocide? No, it's not something that's supposed to get its day in court.
I'll have to rain on your little relativistic parade. Some issues are supposed to be one-sided. Genocide? No, it's not something that's supposed to get its day in court.
01/27/06 @ 14:29
Right, but that still doesn't prevent us from (or deny us the responsibility of) examining them. Read The Sunflower, and the input that follows--to forgive on behalf of a generation or to not forgive on behalf of a generation. Fortunately, slow play should not go down in the annals of history with the same import as Germany, Ruwanda, Serbia, etc.
01/27/06 @ 14:42
Comment from: Arnie [Visitor]
Just got around to reading your response. I assume it's a joke, because otherwise you should seek professional help.
I do walk and I do play mostly off hours golf. At this point, the only time I will play is if I'm in the first group off the tee in the morning or it's a basically empty course later in the afternoon.
What's funny is that someone thinks that a three hour round is 'rushed'. I can play with a foursome, play at an unrushed pace, have plenty of time to talk, enjoy the views on the course and have a great time. I just don't choose to do all of those things WHEN IT'S MY TURN TO SWING. The idiots who have come to assume golf should be a 4-1/2 hour experience are killing golf.
Enjoy your slow play and have a great time watching the grass grow while you shoot the breeze with your grossly overweight buddy as he plumb-bobs his putt for an 8 from above and below the hole before missing it and then saying it was a gimme.
I do walk and I do play mostly off hours golf. At this point, the only time I will play is if I'm in the first group off the tee in the morning or it's a basically empty course later in the afternoon.
What's funny is that someone thinks that a three hour round is 'rushed'. I can play with a foursome, play at an unrushed pace, have plenty of time to talk, enjoy the views on the course and have a great time. I just don't choose to do all of those things WHEN IT'S MY TURN TO SWING. The idiots who have come to assume golf should be a 4-1/2 hour experience are killing golf.
Enjoy your slow play and have a great time watching the grass grow while you shoot the breeze with your grossly overweight buddy as he plumb-bobs his putt for an 8 from above and below the hole before missing it and then saying it was a gimme.
01/27/06 @ 17:48
Mr. Palmer (I assume you are the only Arnie around):
Your accusation about the abusive and excessive plumb-bob is not reason enough to create more than a 4-hour round. When you say professional help, I assume that you are insinuating that my golf swing is not sound enough.
If you take a chance to step back and read your final three paragraphs above, you should sense a man on the edge. By employing "the only time," you come across as antisocial; by calling people "idiots," you paint yourself as confrontational; by presuming that my buddy is "grossly overweight," your prejudice against the oedipose-challenged becomes public.
I hope that you keep reading and keep commenting, and that you, too, seek professional golf help if needed.
Your accusation about the abusive and excessive plumb-bob is not reason enough to create more than a 4-hour round. When you say professional help, I assume that you are insinuating that my golf swing is not sound enough.
If you take a chance to step back and read your final three paragraphs above, you should sense a man on the edge. By employing "the only time," you come across as antisocial; by calling people "idiots," you paint yourself as confrontational; by presuming that my buddy is "grossly overweight," your prejudice against the oedipose-challenged becomes public.
I hope that you keep reading and keep commenting, and that you, too, seek professional golf help if needed.
01/27/06 @ 18:54
Comment from: Arnie [Visitor]
Ron Mon, yes, you are correct. I am most definately antisocial, confrontational and prejudiced against fat idiots who play 5 hour rounds of golf. However, towards people who show respect for their fellow golfers on the course and maintain a proper pace of play, I'm downright amiable, friendly, deferential and completely without bias. Even those that are horizontally challenged.
The trouble is there seem to be fewer and fewer of these respectful people on the course every day. Which is why I play very little golf anymore. Which means I won't be pumping any more cash into equipment, clothes, greens fees, golf trips, etc. anymore. The fact that I'm not alone in this feeling is exactly why the golf industry is hurting so bad and rounds are down across the entire country. And it's only going to get worse, as there are far more enjoyable ways for young people to spend their day than standing 200 yards behind four old guys standing next to one ball in the fairway trying to decide whether they should use a 7 wood or a 9 wood for their approach.
The management of my club, like others, is doing everything they can to attract younger members and is scratching their heads about why they can't. Of course, when I come into the pro shop at the turn and bitch about the Yamamoto foursome that just took 25 minutes to play the 375 yard par 4 ninth, I get blank stares. Ya think they might be connected?
The trouble is there seem to be fewer and fewer of these respectful people on the course every day. Which is why I play very little golf anymore. Which means I won't be pumping any more cash into equipment, clothes, greens fees, golf trips, etc. anymore. The fact that I'm not alone in this feeling is exactly why the golf industry is hurting so bad and rounds are down across the entire country. And it's only going to get worse, as there are far more enjoyable ways for young people to spend their day than standing 200 yards behind four old guys standing next to one ball in the fairway trying to decide whether they should use a 7 wood or a 9 wood for their approach.
The management of my club, like others, is doing everything they can to attract younger members and is scratching their heads about why they can't. Of course, when I come into the pro shop at the turn and bitch about the Yamamoto foursome that just took 25 minutes to play the 375 yard par 4 ninth, I get blank stares. Ya think they might be connected?
01/27/06 @ 23:44
Arnie,
That is easily the best comment I've seen in the months that I've been blogging here. It used to drive me nuts when slow play happened (back in my 20s and early 30s.) I realized that most of my anger stemmed from an inability to accept that I would never play any tour of any kind.
I have never belonged to a club, and I can only assume that yours is private. If I belonged to a private club where slow play took place, I would resign my membership. I am fortunate to have a great number of public-access, upscale courses in western New York and southern Ontario from which to choose. As we are in the rust belt, I can play all of them for less than $40 during off hours. Folks in upstate NY and the Niagara region are quite amicable, for the most part, and don't mind if someone plays through.
I've often thought of a new type of golf course, for the younger at heart, and I will write a blog today. Perhaps it will have some good points. Thanks again for commenting. I'm pretty certain that those slow, chubby idiots have thick skins, and won't take offense.
That is easily the best comment I've seen in the months that I've been blogging here. It used to drive me nuts when slow play happened (back in my 20s and early 30s.) I realized that most of my anger stemmed from an inability to accept that I would never play any tour of any kind.
I have never belonged to a club, and I can only assume that yours is private. If I belonged to a private club where slow play took place, I would resign my membership. I am fortunate to have a great number of public-access, upscale courses in western New York and southern Ontario from which to choose. As we are in the rust belt, I can play all of them for less than $40 during off hours. Folks in upstate NY and the Niagara region are quite amicable, for the most part, and don't mind if someone plays through.
I've often thought of a new type of golf course, for the younger at heart, and I will write a blog today. Perhaps it will have some good points. Thanks again for commenting. I'm pretty certain that those slow, chubby idiots have thick skins, and won't take offense.
01/28/06 @ 07:10
Comment from: Under Par [Visitor]
Ron,
Your somewhat snide remark about there not being any equivalency between genocide and slow play is great rhetoric but poor logic. Of course they're not in the same league in terms of egregiousness, but that's not the point. Your comments were emblematic of the relativistic spirit of the age, a spirit that recognizes no absolutes and sees only shades of gray. However, I do realize that you're motivated largely by the desire to create controversy and attract attention. Thus, insofar as this goes, I won't throw pearls . . .
Your somewhat snide remark about there not being any equivalency between genocide and slow play is great rhetoric but poor logic. Of course they're not in the same league in terms of egregiousness, but that's not the point. Your comments were emblematic of the relativistic spirit of the age, a spirit that recognizes no absolutes and sees only shades of gray. However, I do realize that you're motivated largely by the desire to create controversy and attract attention. Thus, insofar as this goes, I won't throw pearls . . .
01/28/06 @ 11:06
Oink, oink, responds the swine. Absolutism, relativism, dada, a rose by any other name smells just as sweet. Isn't it equivalence, and not equivalency? If that's not the point, then what is? Neither one of the two motives you hurled at me is remotely nor remorsefully accurate. Keep guessing!
01/28/06 @ 13:19
Comment from: Nick [Visitor]
Much of your post is sad but true. The conspiracy that has driven the golfing public to beleive that with 216 of them on a course set up to eat tour players, they can still get around in 4 hours or less has a great platform. This farce is spread by golf course owners and operators throughout America, and the campaign signs are all over your public courses "Keep up with the group ahead". It comes down to greed and the ability to pack the courses because of the number of willing participants. The only solution is 10 or more minutes between times combined with proactive campaigns to educate golfers. Enough with the blame it on the group ahead idea, because once you are on the course you are in the group ahead of someone, and no doubt you are the the object of their scorn wether you deserve it or not.
01/28/06 @ 19:23
Comment from: Under Par [Visitor]
"Equivalency" is a variant. Keep studying and one day you may hone your craft to a point where ascension to my level of success in the media may become a remote possibility.
Rest assured, though, kiddo, I've got your number completely.
Rest assured, though, kiddo, I've got your number completely.
01/28/06 @ 19:35
Nick,
You are on the mark. It is a conspiracy, and the economy drives the maquina. In western New York, some ten to fifteen groups got the bright idea in the late nineties that too many years had passed without the building of a quality golf course. Now, in 2006, we have two of them on hold (deeply in debt) three others completely open, one set to open this year, and another set to open its second nine in 2006. An eighth has twelve holes open, with the promise of two to three more per year for the next three years. Others are on the drawing board still. The best story is the most successful of them all went private this year, in an era when private clubs in the region are begging for memberships.
Is it any wonder that they cram them in? You get the thing opened, in the hole, so you'll push as many around as you can.
You are on the mark. It is a conspiracy, and the economy drives the maquina. In western New York, some ten to fifteen groups got the bright idea in the late nineties that too many years had passed without the building of a quality golf course. Now, in 2006, we have two of them on hold (deeply in debt) three others completely open, one set to open this year, and another set to open its second nine in 2006. An eighth has twelve holes open, with the promise of two to three more per year for the next three years. Others are on the drawing board still. The best story is the most successful of them all went private this year, in an era when private clubs in the region are begging for memberships.
Is it any wonder that they cram them in? You get the thing opened, in the hole, so you'll push as many around as you can.
01/28/06 @ 19:58
A wise man once decreeed
"In matters of truth the fact that you don't want to publish something is, nine times out of ten, a proof that you ought to publish it."
Therefore, Under Par, onward.
"In matters of truth the fact that you don't want to publish something is, nine times out of ten, a proof that you ought to publish it."
Therefore, Under Par, onward.
01/28/06 @ 20:15
This post has 1 feedback awaiting moderation...
Comment feed for this post
Jason Scott Deegan:
The Accidental Golfer:
Kiel Christianson:
View from Europe:
Recent comments