Gentlemen and Ladies, it’s high time we accepted the veracity of a number of statements, hypotheses, and postulations applied to the game of golf. Many have attempted to dispel them, but their efforts have been futile. Now, armed with no facts and little proof, I hereby decree the following to be 100% true, now and forever, ad infinitum, hocus pocus, ides of March.

1. Women are slow and incapable golfers.

2. Young golfers are rude and destructive.

3. The stiffer the golf shaft, the more appropriate it is for your game.

4. The harder you swing, the better and farther the ball will fly.

5. Golf carts are good for the game, especially for twenty- and thirty-somethings who don’t get enough exercise elsewhere.

6. Genders should never be mixed on the golf course. In fact, men should have access to all fine courses, while women should be relegated to executive layouts, par three tracks, and miniature golf courses.

7. Every man, at every juncture, should hold up play on par five holes by taking a crack at the green in two. No matter the obstacle (sand, water, trees, great wall of China), it can be overcome through arrogance and lack of awareness of others on the course. We all know, too, that topped balls bounce off water and sand, and always roll onto the green.

8. Well-planned, strategic golf, is a fallacy. Grip it and rip it is the only way to attack this game. Proof #1–when Phil played safely, he won the Masters and the PGA; when he went back to his attacking style, he didn’t. Who wants to win the Masters twice, anyway?

I know, I know… it hurts. Those with open minds will forever debate while those with closed minds will never grease the hinges to let in the sun. I’m always astounded by those who are so certain of their position that they fail to entertain the antithesis. This blog is for the latter. In closing, I may not know much, but I know what I do not know.

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