What is Tiger Woods writing about these days?

I could hardly wait to crack open a cold bottle of Golf Digest, circa November 2007. After all, Tiger Woods promised that I could “Try my flat-line tee-shot technique to hit more fairways.” Cool, thought I. Even if I’m hitting all 14 driving fairways in a typical round, 15 would be even better. It was then that he lost me at “flat-line.” In other words, I was dead, I flat-lined, I could not understand his Cypress version of English. Here’s what he writes:

The key to the shot: I BREAK MOMENTUM ON THE FOLLOW-THROUGH BY SOFTENING MY ARMS AND ELBOWS TO GET EXTENSION OF THE CLUB WITH MY RELEASE.

WWHHHAAAATTTTT?!?!? Oh, wait, there’s more…

THE MORE I SOFTEN MY ARMS AND RELAX INTO IT, THE EASIER THE SHOT BECOMES.

AAAHHHHH, now I don’t get it. He’s asking me to ease into the shot? Doesn’t slowing down lead to deceleration, which leads to fat shots if I dig into the ground, or thin shots if I prematurely pronate my wrists? Huhh, oh, pronate means “break your wrists,” in this case.

Let me ask you all this…Which average amateur has the stones and the skill to intentionally slow down her/his swing under pressure, faced with a narrow fairway, in order to hit the middle? No one? That’s what I thought. Tiger may have a learning center that bears his name back home in Cali, and he may be wonderful at showing us many creative and innovative shots, but this tip just doesn’t jibe.