Flat-Lining The Shovel: Applying the Tiger Technique

Many of you have doubtless read my panning of Tiger Wood’s flat-line technique, aka, the anti-viagra of the arms. Well, I’m here to recant my criticism, and let you know that it does indeed work…for snow shoveling and sump-pump well bailing. If you haven’t seen the news, western New York got hit by yet another “perfect storm” in the past 18 hours. Two feet of Ohio white sand, also known as snow, got dumped on us in the midst of a gorgeous Fall golf season. At 8:30 this morning, I was up, bailing the sump pump and shoveling the walk with a coal shovel. We don’t take out the heavy-duty equipment until December!

And then…Nirvana! It ocurred to me that I should use the Tiger Woods technique. I softened my arms, and dumped the entire basket of water on the cat. Poor little Fluffy is no longer with us, the victim of a random ground-water attack. Memorial Service is Tuesday, when they project our power will be back on. Undeterred, I kicked the scruffy little corpse into the pump and headed outside to clear the walk for the calvary (more on them later).

I grasped Grandpa Stan’s coal shovel (the majority of my inheritance) with a half-hockey, half reverse-overlap grip, and dug in. Again relaxing my arms, I softened enough to watch the iron take flight, through the picture window, whacking Fluffy (the Lazarus of cats) on the noggin. Extracting yet another life from the poor little critter, it keeled over dead.

So keep us in your thoughts, and try the Tiger Technique for anything, ANYTHING but golf.