Loogies and Head Butts on the PGA Tour? Why not?

So Terrell Owens hocks a loogie in the face of DeAngelo Hall…they kiss and make up.

So Zinedine Zidane head-butts Marco Materazzi in the chest in World Cup soccer…Zidane’s mamma wants to cut MM’s M&Ms off.

Could this happen on the PGA Tour? Well, we’ve seen how Tiger Woods holds a grudge. If you’re unfamiliar, check out these situations:

1996…Steve Scott’s caddie/girlfriend laughs at Tiger every time Scott wins a hole. Woods uses it as motivation to come from five down to win. Notable quote: “She ain’t smiling now!”

2000…Michael Campbell pumps himself up to face Tiger in first round of match play championship. Woods starts birdie-birdie and wins 5 and 4.
Notable quote: “I heard you want a piece of me–now you’ve got me.”

2000…Tiger squares off against Vijay Singh in a match. Singh’s caddie sports a lid with “Tiger Who?” on the back. Tiger wins match, 2 and 1.
Notable quote: “At the time, I certainly didn’t appreciate it. I thought it wasn’t real respectful. I know he tried to do it in fun, but I didn’t take it that way. I went out and beat him 2 and 1, so that’s my response to it.”

2006…Stephen Ames mouths off before first-round match against Woods in the Match Play championship. Ames states the following: “How he goes about scoring from where he hits it – that’s the amazing thing.” and “That’s the mark of a true champion. As bad as he hits it, he still manages to win golf tournaments. and “Anything can happen, especially where he’s hitting the ball.” Woods wins nine of ten holes to take match easily.
Notable quote: “9 and 8.”

What happens one day if Tiger and Elin are fighting, Phil Mickelson wears nine-inch nails on his shoes, and Vijay Singh smiles just a bit too much (can that happen?) My guess is that Tiger head-butts Phil, hocks a loogie on Vijay, and hip-checks Retief Goosen for absolutely no reason. Tim Finchem is forced to red-card Mickelson, send Vijay to the penalty box, and banish Retief for life (a la Seve Ballesteros). When asked to defend his actions by a reporter, caddie Steve Williams throws the reporter over a ledge. When asked to defend his actions, Tim Finchem rebuilds the TPC again.