Smarmy Alan Shipnuck of Sports Illustrated Goes To Hair School
Sometimes you can sense that a writer wants to use a certain storyline SOOOO much that she or he forces it in, with absolute disregard for propriety and the truth. Such is the case with Alan Shipnuck’s apparent infatuation with Charley Hoffman’s Tarzan ‘do. In his semi-often column on “Hot-Not,” A-Ship decries Hoffman-Hair as a mullet, and suggests that “Somewhere Billy Ray Cyrus is smiling.” Yeah, probably on the set of Hannah Montana, where his daughter is tearing up the bubble-gum set with her songs.
I did a bit of research of my own and, excepting Bill Glasson and John Daly, I cannot recall a mullet on the PGA Tour. Go ahead and Google Charley Hoffman. You’ll find a balding surfer dude, not a mullet mallet man.
Now, given that Shipnuck himself appears to be follicle-challenged, it is understandable that he would feel a certain envy toward Hoffman’s golden locks. However, Alan, disabuse yourself of the notion that Hoffman’s waves mean mullet; it just ain’t so. If you want to look like Hoffman, though, here’s a shortcut:
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Some people just don't know the difference between gnarly and mullety.
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