Fred Funk "retires" to Mexico, Leads Mayakoba PGA Tour Event

In a release from no one in particular that has yet to be posted on Wikipedia, Fred Funk has retired from the Champions Tour. He will spend his days on the Mexican Riviera, where he currently leads the Mayakoba Golf Classic on the PGA Tour. Funk fired eight birdies and ten bogies on Thursday to open up a two-shot lead over four lesser-known Tour golfers (Beckman, Weekley, Mcneill and Merrick)

Funk has joined a local apparel league, where he learned to sew new patterns with native fibers (see evidence below…)

Fred has also been active in a local seniors’ dance organization, where he has learned to loosen up a bit (again, see evidence below…)

All in all, we wish Fred a happy retirement from The Champions Tour. Good luck in round two, Old Terp!