Serious Masters quotes -- Is this April 1st?

Are you kidding me? No, golf writers will never be confused with Don Imus or Michael Richards, but even some of the drivel I’ve read this morning is beyond comprehension. Here are a few…

On Zach Johnson in the 2006 Ryder Cup Matches, from SI’s Cameron Morfit: Johnson … was one of the U.S. team’s few clutch players, going 1-2-1 under the most intense pressure the game can dish out.

1-2-1 is clutch? Like Justin Rose on 17 at Augusta on Sunday … only made double when he needed birdie? Hmmm…

Seth Davis from the same Web site: “Hootie Johnson, who stepped down as chairman last year, always denied that he wanted to Tiger-proof the course. I finally believe him. He actually wanted to Tiger-Phil-Vijay-Retief-and-Ernie-proof it. Somewhere, Martha Burk is smiling.”

Why is Martha Burk smiling? Was a woman admitted as a member?

Just so the players aren’t left out, here are a couple (yet to be confirmed) quotes from the competitors…

Vaughnn Taylor…"If he’s not Superman, who is he?” said his good friend Vaughn Taylor, who tied for 10th. “Superman’s brother, maybe.” Is he a normal guy, or is he Superman? Make up your mind.

Zach Johnson…"As they say,” Johnson said, “giants gotta fall at some point.”

We’ll end it, though, optimistically…From Gary Van Sickle at SI … “He didn’t make a double bogey all week. He had only one three-putt. Normally, stats like those would belong to the winner. Sunday night, they belonged instead to Woods. He finally lost a major. History will have to wait.”