I’ve never heard Heath Slocum speak. I’ve heard Bubba Watson and lord knows we’ve all heard Boo Weekley enunciate. Does Heath have that long, syrupy drawl, that goo dripping off a shovel, tongue kind of stuck here and there, form of pronouncing? I think that he had it surgically removed, something I thought was impossible.

Anyhow, the boys from Milton each made an eagle yesterday, staking a one-blow lead over Germany. Alex Cejka, the largest German man in Las Vegas, partnered with Martin Kaymer, for a ten-under 62. Neither man played for his country last year, when Bernhard Languer and Marcel Siem conquered Scotland in a two-hole playoff for the championship. Sort of shows the depth of German golf…at least four deep. The pundits claim that today’s scoring will be much higher, with the format switching to alternate shot…I don’t think so. I imagine that some team will go 8-under and get to a three-stroke lead by nightfall.

My two burning questions are, does Boo Weekley understand alternate shot and why does England mourn the strangest things? I’ll elaborate. Since Boo has never represented the USA in anything international, this format might be new to him. I’m hoping that Joe Pyle, his felonious caddy, might be schooled in the format. Pyle was detained for a good while this week in Hong Kong, where he not only lacked the correct visa for entry, he didn’t have any visa at all. I know, I know, the opening is too large, so I’ll resist. Joe’s the guy with the flag

On to England…evidently, England’s soccer team played like horse pucks and didn’t qualify on for the European championship next year. Not the world cup, not the Olympics, the European championship. Justin Rose and Ian Poulter decided to not mourn (wearing all black) but to patronize, to patriotize, by wearing opposing reds and whites (see below…)

Funny thing…I have no sympathy for GB. Why? They’re deceitful. The guy everyone thought was injured during US Soccer, David Beckham, somehow found the strength to play for his homeland. Here’s a quote from Becks, who demonstrates a remarkable awareness of the bigger picture:

“We all know there are more important things than football in the world, but for us not to qualify for a competition it’s a huge, huge thing.”

Whooops…just found my answer to the alternate-shot question, I did, straight from the Bear’s jaws

It’ll be fun playing with Heath this week. We know just about everything about one another. We ain’t played together in a while. We played together in a bunch of best-balls and some alternate shots and stuff like that.

This insight comes from Boo’s daily diary, his blog from China. Between y’all and me (us, if you will), I’m still not certain that Boo’s actually writing this one. He may be speaking, and some lackey then transcribes his thoughts, or some trained monkey might be typing in “Boo-Speak” and passing it off to us ignoramuses back stateside. I’ll keep digging and try to find an answer. Go, World Cup!

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