For those who wretch at the syrupy-ness of CBS’ presentation of The Masters, take heart: it might have been worse. In 2008, a host of foreign players from far-off places (as in, not Europe and South Africa) participated in the event for the first time. While not making the cut for a variety of reasons, they would have made for linguistic gymnastics and much tongue-tripping on the part of Clampett and Nance. To wit:

Prayad Marksaeng, Thailand: Thailand’s pronunciation we know. The first name looks way too much like something religious people do in church on Sunday, so its two syllables would certainly have been shortened to one. The last name reverses the common “ea” vocalic sequence and makes it a diphthong. Check please? Marksaeng retired from the event on Friday with an injured back.

Liang Wen-Chong, China: Is the “I” in Liang voiced or silent? Stumbling block number one. Since we know Chen and Wong better than Wen and Chong, how many times would some frazzled announcer have metathesized the second name (or is it his first? We NEVER get that right) into Chen-Wong? Wenchong missed the midway cut by seven blows.

Retief Goosen, South Africa: Seriously, am I joking? Of course not. Everyone thought it was “Relief” the first time…come on, fess up. As far as the Hoosen/Goosen thing, he went the same way Serjio/SerHio Garcia went…Americans won’t make the effort to learn a new pronunciation, so adopt a different one in their presence. Retief made the cut but sits in no-man’s land, nine shots behind his countryman Immelman.

We are not immune to this linguistic sloth. I have a friend with the wonderfully-shakespearean name of Montague. When she travels to Hispanic countries, she pronounces it moan-TAH-gay and it never gets misspelled. Go figure.

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