Chris DiMarco: Methinks thou doth protest too much

Disclaimers: I don’t play the PGA Tour; I wasn’t at the 16th hole at TPC Scottsdale this year to support or disprove anything DiMarco said; I never played organized football.

Background: The 16th hole at TPC Scottsdale is a short par 3 (wedge to 8-iron for the pros) that is completely surrounded by grandstands. Players enter via a tunnel, likening the experience to entering the Roman Coliseum (although I’d be shocked if many of them knew enough European history to properly classify that reference.)

I love XM Radio! The PGA Tour network has a channel that carries a program called “Opinionated with Chris DiMarco.” I have a better title:  Whipped with Chris DiMarco. Never have I heard a guy simultaneously brag and whine than with this dude!

Here’s a sample: He gets on the show this week, not one minute in, and thanks the organizers of the Phoenix Open (sponsored this year by Waste Management) for giving him an exemption. “Cool,” says I.  He clearly is grateful and wants to show his gratitude. My guess is that he also wrote them a letter expressing similar feelings of thanks.

Not one sentence later, the guy goes off on an inconsistent, sugar-coated rant about how the crowds are too tough on the players on the infamous 16th hole. He claims to enjoy the football atmosphere, but thinks that yelling at players is over the top. He claims that of the 25,000 fans on the hole, only 10-20 actually cause a problem. He claims to be a big UFlorida Gator fan, but cannot put up with the rowdiness of one hole played four times each year. Here’s my initial suggestion: don’t apply for an exemption next time, you wuss!

Chris, I’m sorry to break this news to you, but you are a sissy. You justify every one of your “opinionated” opinions by saying “Poulter said this and so and so said that.” Man up and tell us that they are your opinions! As far as the 16th hole goes, if you are so thin-skinned that you can’t address four putts with a little noise in the background, search wikipedia for concentration and Tiger Woods and do a little reading.

My favorite complaint from Mr. Opinionated was this one: “We play for a lot of money and we deserve more respect as we’re trying to win that money.” No, you don’t. Not on one hole, four days a year. It’s not like the fans are giving you grief, throwing fruit and fish from the moment you enter the gauntlet. They will cheer you if you hit good shots. Do you think any other professional athlete complains like this? Heck no! It’s part of the game. No, it’s not normally a part of golf, but it is in Scottsdale, once a year. If you want your demographic to continually expand, Chris, you need to accept this challenge and get off your baby-powdered buttox and deal.

By the way, you can come to my classroom or laptop whenever you want and scream “You suck, RonMon!” and anything else you like, any four days of the next year you choose. Lunch is on me.