Thanksgiving For What, Golf?

I’m not up for having a dialogue with golf, at least not in the way that Clint had a dialogue with an empty chair. Off topic for a moment, I think that, if Clint had instead chosen two chairs (a la the duel scene in The Good, The Bad & The Ugly) he would have made a stronger impression.

Anyway, here’s my attempt at having a monologue with golf, with golf sitting back and listening to what’s good for it…

Golf, you keep expanding your technology as long as you wish. What baboon would ever suggest that things be reined in and restricted? You want massive distance? enhanced spin? Chase it!

Golf, don’t you dare pull back the anchored putter. I’ve tried the anchored putter and putted great…and bad…and average. Which is to say, no better or worse than with a regular-length, unanchored putter. I’ll be trying some face-on putting with the long putter in 2013. I suspect that I’ll have some great…and bad…and average.

Golf, keep opening your doors to kids and old people, middle-aged folks of average or low income, women and women and more women. You need to realize that Tiger Woods came along once in a century and he’s not coming back. Not as Rickie Fowler, not as Rory McIlroy. Why not? America and the world have moved on and grown poorer. Tiger’s advent coincided with a golf course building boom and a tour that lacked for charisma. A new time of diversity would simply not settle for the Greg Normans, the Nick Prices, the Davis Loves nor the Fred Couples-ziz. Golf, you are not in need these days for a savior; you need a groundswell.

Golf, be sure that you strike a balance between expensive and unaffordable. If it’s a bit expensive, it’s worth the reach from time to time. If it’s unaffordable, resentment develops.

That’s what I’ve got for the moment. I’ll be back around the next holiday to open up another conversation with golf. Hopefully, golf will have answered a few of these points by then.