A personal Ryder Cup phone call from the U.S. Captain

“Hi Shanks, Corey here.”

“Hello Corey, I guess you’re happy to have that Captain’s selection business behind you.”

“Dude, you have no idea. Every word I say has to be perfectly neutralized because, if I don’t, the press just has a field day, saying that I’m insinuating this or that.”

“You mean like that Jim Gray fiasco?”

“Exactly. That idiot took a fairly innocuous, off-the-record comment and ran with it. I mean, what Ryder Cup captain wouldn’t be happy to learn that the greatest player in the world really wants to play on his team?”

“Hey man, how’d you like that article I wrote about the Harrington pick?”

“Hahaha … you know, God bless that Monty. Feels like he spotted us a point with that one. Him passing on Casey could only be surpassed on the stupid scale by me passing on Tiger.”

“Tiger was a no-brainer?”

“Are you serious? With everything going on in his life, not practicing much and playing about half the events he normally would, my man still contends in 2 majors and is one of only 12 guys in the world to make the cut in all four. Unless he just totally tanked in the first 2 FedEx Cup events, he was on my team.”

“Zach Johnson and Stewart Cink seemed fairly obvious picks, considering their recent form. But what made you go with Rickie Fowler?”

“The stupid-looking, oversized hat, the long hair and the loud clothes! Anybody with the stones to play golf like that on a weekly basis has got the right stuff to play in front of a hostile crowd. Kinda reminds me of Payne Stewart’s outfits, or Anthony Kim with those garish belt buckles. Of course, the nearly perfect Walker Cup record doesn’t hurt either.”

“I know it broke your heart to pass on Kim. Any chance he joins you in Wales, a la Sergio Garcia?”

“Sure, he can come if he wants. Makes sense because AK figures to be teammates in quite a few more of these things with the young guys like Fowler and Dustin Johnson. Plus, if Sergio gets out of hand with the histrionics, AK can get in his ear about how he waxed him at Valhalla.”

“Well, Corey, I know you’re busy. Thanks for your time.”

“No problem. It’s nice to just speak my mind for a change.”